Ms. Paulson || raulson

chapter 6

"I can't sleep," I say.
I was tossing myself in the bed for too long, I felt my head explode for how many questions I was asking myself.
And if that kiss had ruined everything? What if we went away? And if ...
"Me neither" she tells me turning on the light at her side

I can't look at her, I would like to turn around but I'm stuck. I feel too embarrassed, that kiss ... it was one of the most beautiful but it's wrong.

"Listen Sarah I'm sorry"
"For what?" she asks, sitting on the bed with her legs crossed
"For ... for that kiss ... You know I didn't want to, I miss having someone by my side."
"don't worry Lil, it's all right" the tone of her voice suddenly becomes more and more sad.

Did I hurt her?

"Sarah" finally turned my gaze on her, but I noticed that her eyes were shiny.
"I'm fine, Lily, I'm going to get a glass of water, can I?" immediately wipes a tear and then goes downstairs.

I felt so bad for her.
Why was she crying?

"Sar" I look for her, she was on the table in the kitchen with her head in her hands
"Lil I'm fine" she tells me before I could get close to her
"No, you're not well, what's going on?" I ask, sitting next to her
"I don't know, let's go back to sleep?" she asks, getting up from her seat, without looking me in the eyes.

I don't understand what's happening

Slowly we go upstairs, she immediately climbs on the bed turning on the other side. Why didn't she look at me now?

"Sarah that kiss was fantastic" I say breaking the deadly silence
"Lily is just a stupid kiss," she continues laughing
"No. It's not, Sarah, that kiss is special and now I'm not going to lose you for a fucking kiss, even if it was stupid,  it wasn't for me, I don't know what it is, but I feel attracted to you.  well that's wrong, I know I'm underage, and I know you're my teacher.
But ... I don't know Sarah I'm so confused "all I was saying was true, I can't even distinguish my feelings anymore.

"Lily whatever it is, between us, must end"

I feel a blade in my heart

"I mean everything Lily, that is, we will not even see each other out of school, it's all too wrong"
"What are you talking about?" my tone of voice becomes louder and louder.

I couldn't really believe her words.

"It's for our good" continues looking into my eyes
"bullshit, I'm not well without you, okay?
"Lily, do you understand that we kissed? I, teacher, you, student, we kissed each other. You don't even have any idea how many problems this can bring us" she starts screaming.

After all, I knew she was right, but I couldn't lose her.

I had no one

"Sarah please listen to me"
I look at her, I don't even know what she's doing, but I see her starting to undress.
"Go away now, do you run away?" I scream starting to cry.

I felt so bad

After a long time my heart was hurting, I felt every organ of my body breaking slowly. Why?

"I'm not running away, I'm trying to keep a professional relationship"
"Professional" I repeat ironically
"Are you interested only in your work? Well, if you could have told me before I didn't get so attached to you, fuck you, you never cared of me " I was screaming and crying. Every tear I shed made me feel so weak.