Reverberations

A Choice

He should have known this day would come.

After finally managing to explain to the Diamonds what had truly become of Pink (along with dealing with many questions on "what is pregnancy," "is this a new kind of fusion," and other more intimate questions), Steven had a sinking suspicion that the Diamonds would continue to struggle with Pink's departure.

For gems, death wasn't an easy concept to grasp. It wasn't even much of a concept, given how even shattered gems seemed to possess some form of consciousness, however primitive and warped. And for a Diamond... well, it was like trying to fit Yellow Tail's boat into Dad's car wash.

Five thousand years they had grieved, and still they had not gotten over it. Grief wasn't about "getting over" anything. Grief was permanent, ugly and haunting, with time only prolonging the pain. Eventually, you only hope it grows numb and hollow, where reminiscing doesn't bring you to tears, where it doesn't cause you to feel a powerful ache in your chest every time the subject is brought up.

Steven learned of the feeling in his own way, unfortunately. When his dad finally passed, he had difficulty processing it. How could you, when that person has been there your whole life? Each day was difficult, manageable but difficult. He thanked the stars that his family was there.

...and it gave him and his mother's family a common subject to share.

The Diamonds had each changed, in their own unique ways. Blue could laugh again, Yellow managed to smile, and White felt more... genuine. But beneath all of that, he could still see the pain in their eyes. The loss of Pink, a sister, a friend, a dear family member.

He also knew the pain wasn't just from her loss. Each Diamond had caused Pink so much pain while she was alive, making her feel unwanted, unloved, useless... devoid of all meaning. They knew this now, and it was this knowledge that now fueled this new wound. The knowledge that they could never tell how they each felt about her, the feeling of things left unsaid.

The desire to apologize, to tell Pink what should have been told to her eons ago.

That's what ultimately separated Steven's pain from theirs. Steven had no regrets towards his father, no words unspoken. He loved his dad and Greg knew it. Greg passed away peacefully, no loose ends left behind. Steven couldn't quite comprehend how the Diamonds felt, but he could feel it. And it hurt so much.

He wasn't surprised when the Diamond mech landed on Earth. He wasn't surprised when Blue asked if they could talk about something. He knew what they wanted to talk about.

He was ready, yet he wasn't. He couldn't avoid the topic any longer, not after finding his mother's notes.

Not after finding out exactly what Pink Diamond had to do in order to create him.

"We want to join Pink. Is... is that even possible?" The question was straightforward, typical of Yellow, even if there was an air of uncertainty. The others remained solemn in their expressions, eyes downcast, shoulders slumped.

They couldn't bear the burden any longer. The guilt was too great, too consuming. After everything they had done...

"Technically, yes." Steven chose his words carefully, watching the Diamonds' expressions. "But it's a bit complicated." Shocked, surprised, like they hadn't expected that kind of reply. Of course, they wouldn't. It felt like a pipe dream to them probably. But Steven believed there was still a chance.

"How?" Blue's gentle voice quivered, eyes widening with tears. Steven had to blink several times to stop his own tears from falling before continuing.

Gesturing to himself, he stated, "When Mom had me, she had to start from something. Gems don't have a physical body, and my dad could only provide so much... material." His face brightened a bit at the thought. Even at the age of 120, those sorts of discussions embarrassed him. It was always something Connie had teased him over. "So, Mom figured out what made the human body. Various minerals, carbon, water, marrow, stuff like that. But that wasn't quite enough either. Sure, a human body is made up of a bunch of stuff, but humans are more than just chemicals and minerals. Just like a gem is more than just a rock, ya know?"

The Diamonds nodded, slowly, glancing at each other warily. They were still struggling with the concept, he could tell, but they were trying to understand. It was a start, he knew. Running a hand through his curly hair, he took in a deep breath. Here comes the hard part, he thought.

"What makes us... alive? Mom had to figure that out. Her gem made her, well, her, so why not use that to 'complete' me? Apparently, it was harder than just, poof, the gem is yours now. She had done a lot of things to make it work."

"What sort of... 'things'?" White asked, arching an eyebrow. Steven shrugged sheepishly.

Blue looked at each of them before inquiring, "Did Pink explain how?"

Steven nodded. "She left notes. Pearl's been helping me decipher it... well, trying to, anyways. Apparently, Mom's writing is pretty sloppy."

Yellow scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Typical Pink."

Steven let out a chuckle. "I can show you her notes. Maybe you'll have better luck than me in figuring out what she said. Either way, that's all I know. I'm sorry."

Silence drifted between the four, before White spoke up. "If we were to decipher the notes, will this process let us see Pink again?"

There it was. Steven didn't openly admit it, but he did understand one part of the notes. The concept of reincarnation. Connie had explained it to him thoroughly, and honestly, he had to credit her for giving him this idea. If their hunch was right, if their understanding of what Pink was attempting...

They waited for him to answer. Taking in a deep breath, he nodded. "Yes. But," he held out a hand, preventing the three from getting too hopeful, "it's not guaranteed. It's just a theory Connie came up, and it matches with the notes—"

"What is this theory?" Yellow demanded, leaning forward. He had already given her hope in reuniting with Pink. There was no taking back words now. So, taking another deep breath, Steven began. He went into detail as best as he could, what the theory entailed, how it could possibly be accomplished. The more he explained, however, the more concerned and worried the Diamonds looked. He knew why, because the end result would be the same for him. What he had to sacrifice in return in order to reunite this broken, messy family.

A sacrifice he had been preparing himself to make for the past ten years.

"Even if Connie was right, even if we figured out how it worked," Steven paused, closing his eyes, "there is still side effects. For one, the human body is way different from a gem's body. You'll have to nurture it, feed it, clean it. And you won't be able to do that yourself for a few years anyways. You'll be weak and small for a bit."

His expression went stern, opening his eyes and looking at each Diamond pointedly. He had to make sure they understood this point. "And finally, you won't have any of your old memories. You may regain them later, maybe. But you may also never regain them. Are you willing to take that risk, given everything I just said?"

"I don't care." Yellow's voice was sharp, her gaze matching Steven's. "I don't care if I become organic and crawl on all fours for centuries. I don't care if I never remember who I was, what I," she halted, hand half raised before slowly clutching into a fist and lowering it back to her side, "I don't need to remember. All I want is Pink. I have to... I need to there for her again. I need to do what I should have done eons ago!"

Her voice was quaking at this point, tears welling up, face crunched in unseen pain. Steven wasn't quite prepared for this reaction, but before he could even respond, Blue spoke next, "But what about you? Given everything you said, are you—"

"Don't worry about me, I was... kinda planning on doing this anyways." He gave her an apologetic smile. He had debated on telling the Diamonds his plans, before he always found himself holding back, afraid of their response.

Having been quiet this entire time, White finally said, "Then we have no qualms with your plans, Steven. No matter the price we have to pay, we will do this. For Pink."

With determined expressions, the other two diamonds nodded. Their decision was clear, and Steven knew he couldn't convince them otherwise. But, he was also admittedly a little happy, because now he wouldn't be alone anymore.