Love Be My Oxygen

5 | Love Yourself

Haillie

After the solo performance I can't stop thinking about his voice, my imagination trying to conjure up a figure to match it. The adrenaline coursing through my body is still causing my heart to thump heavily against my rib cage from putting myself out there that much.

There isn't very much to pack up apart form some makeup and stray bobby pins that are sprawled across the dressing table which I gather up quickly, shrugging on some joggers and an oversized hoodie to wear for the walk home.

Walking from the club to my apartment isn't the best of plans at midnight but taxi's cost money and money is something that doesn't come in abundance for me. Who knows, maybe being kidnapped would be fun. I laugh at my sick sense of humour and rush out the door, trying to get home as quickly as possible.

The journey takes 15 minutes and before I know it I'm through the buzzer and climbing the stairs to the 5th floor where I stay. I slide my back down my front door as soon as I close it, thinking about how much I've changed in such a short while.

Last month I had been fantasising about finding a husband and giggling like a child in awkwardness whenever a steamy scene came on whilst I was watching a movie with someone. I wouldn't consider myself a prude, no my imagination and hand can attest to there being no lack of sex drive, I've just never had the time to explore anything with somebody else.

Yet here I am dancing half naked for guys over double my age, and I think I'm beginning to like it.

I watch Netflix whilst stretching on my living room floor and let my mind drift away with thoughts of what I'm going to wear tomorrow for the summer charity fundraiser.

Multiple times a year, the different organisations host charity events to fundraise money for different repairs and to renovate the concert hall that we perform our shows in. Traditionally the ballet company host in December after the Christmas performances but this year we are hosting the Summer event.

This means that all company members are required to attend. I say required but I jump at the idea of going to a ball and having the opportunity to liaise with directors and finally be noticed. In the performance industry it's all about networking, as much a game of politics as it is being a talented dancer.

I go to bed halfway through the film and lay there silently for a while finally allowing my mind to drift back to that voice. Maybe it's the allure of danger, the fact that he could see everything and I could see nothing, that vulnerability that makes my legs clench remembering the way words flowed off his tongue like rough silk.

My fingers trail down my stomach slowly imagining strong hands were in their place. I see myself back on stage but this time is behind me, tying a black strip of fabric across my eyes so that I can't see him.

I reach the waistband to my shorts and push beneath it, circling my clit slowly as I imagine his fingers in place of mine, "Do you like it when I touch you like this?" His words are a soft growl in my ear causing shivers to soot down my spine.

My other hand begins to paw at my breast as my imaginary conquest explores my body. I moan and my breathing grows shallow as I speed up thinking about him placing kisses along my neck, across my shoulders and down my spine.

"Fuck, yes,"  my muscles clench, overwhelmed by the images my mind conjures and the feelings my hands provoke. My eyes are shut as I loose myself in the moment, letting an orgasm wash over me as the waves crash down on top of one another.