Love Be My Oxygen

6 | Apparition

Haillie

The classical music dances past me as I walk through the front archway to the concert hall, women in luxurious gowns and men in expensive tuxes litter the room liaising mindlessly. 

As soon as I step past the threshold I feel tense with judgemental eyes on me. I love the attention at the club, feeling the desire seep out of every stare but the eyes on me here are like birds of prey, waiting patiently to attack me when I make the slightest mistake.

I try keep the self conscious feeling from washing over me and walk towards a group of dancers in the company.

"Hey, you look amazing tonight, the turn out is great isn't it?" Natasha flashes her white teeth at me behind a a perfect smile. She is the epitome of sophistication and grace, every slight movement she makes and ever word that passes those red lips is perfectly thought out. This is one of many reasons she is Prima ballerina in the San Francisco ballet company.

"Yes it looks like a lot of the new benefactors are here, and thank you," gave my own smile back at the group of girls, "You are looking beautiful as always, where did you get that dress?" The formal small talk continues as I relax a little.

After half an hour of talking I start growing restless, wanting to greet some more influential people who turned up then go home to have a bath and let my hair down. Keeping up appearances in this world is exhausting, always overthinking everything you do and the impressions you're making.

Like I love my ballet girls and yes I'd consider them my friends but it's all a competition for us, this whole life is very fake. How I'd love to know what everyone else is thinking, at least then I would't have to worry about what people are thinking all the time.

"I'm going to go and touch up my makeup in the bathroom if you'll excuse me," I smile once again at the group and turn to walk away.

"Oh, yes of course. I'll come with you actually, I need to check on how this new lipstick is holding up," Lauren, one of the other dancers, speaks up and starts walking beside me.

The extra company on my escape trip isn't what I had planned but I put on the smile that everyone here has mastered and thank her for coming with me. I didn't actually have to fix my makeup so when we get to the bathroom I just fish around my handbag for some powder to touch up my foundation slightly as we talk mindlessly.

Leaving the bathroom, Lauren begins to walk back towards Natasha and the other dancers.

"I'm going to talk to one of the benefactors, I'll join you in a minute," I silently pray that she doesn't decide to join me on this fake adventure and to my surprise she just says an okay and continues to walk to the other girls.

Finally my chance to do what I came here to do, make some connections then leave.

I see one of one of the directors of the company standing with a group of equally important looking people. Okay Haillie, breathe and don't mess this up.

I walked confidently over towards the group of men, catching the eye of the director, Albert Howard. He smiled at me and waved me over to join the conversation.

"So nice to see you and I'm glad that you could make it tonight, gentlemen this is Haillie one of the dancers in the company," he introduces me to the group and each bow their heads in acknowledgment with a couple reaching out to shake my hand.

"How long have you been in the company Haillie?" An older gentleman asks me in a gentle tone.

I thought for a few moments, recalling growing up in the company and all of the lessons I have taken here, "Since I turned 17, so this fall it'll be 5 years." I have danced since I can remember, it seemed like my dream come true when I made it into the company a few months after my 17th birthday, that time seems so long ago now.