Love Be My Oxygen

9 | Pillow Talk

Haillie

My dancing has been distant in class throughout the week with thoughts of Lewis taking up every single empty space in my thoughts. The date keeps replaying in my mind like a scene from a movie, every detail enhanced and slowed down into a version that is most likely a whole lot more dramatic and perfect than reality. 

He said he'd call but I've kept my phone on me every moment of each day that has passed wishing for his name to flash across the screen but it never comes. I can't dance with such pent up uncertainty in me, it's as though every muscle is clenched in anticipation and won't release into the flow of the music.

Friday comes around and my heart twists painfully forming a dull ache in the back of my throat. I really shouldn't get my hopes up so high for people, of course he isn't actually interested just move on with your life Haillie. I try to force my thoughts away from him but nothing works.

Disappointment is a hard emotion to combat.

The choreographers shoot me looks of disgust at my form or lack there of and I find myself wishing for time to speed up so that I can go home and spend a few more hours wishing for Lewis to call before I start my shift at the club.

Home is deathly quiet when I get in and I can't sit still for long without glancing down at my phone.

I start to get ready for the show hours before it's time to give myself something to do other than think about him. The more time that passes without hearing from him, the more it feels like he doesn't want me and the more that makes me want him.

-------------------------------------------

Girls rush around back stage in the way they always do before a big night yet I find myself sitting in a corner quieter than normal.

"What's wrong little lady?" Jess squats down in front of me, "Ballet bitches giving you a hard time?"

I laugh slightly, "Ballet bitches are always giving each other a hard time but no that's not it."

Jess stares dramatically into the distance for a bit before sitting down next to me "That means that Mr. Handsome Red Ferrari has done something," she sees right through me.

"Is it that obvious?" I groan loudly thinking about how pathetic I must look to everyone moping around over a guy who may not even remember I exist.

"What happened?"

I think for a moment about how perfect everything was with him, too perfect, "More what didn't happen. He hasn't called since the date."

Jess turns her body to completely face mine, "Don't stress about one date, if it's meant to be it'll be hun."

"You should really think about starting a new career in motivational speaking," Jess' words did little to make me feel any better.

"I might," Jess smiles at me but I can't bring myself to smile back at her, "You know what, go home and take a bath, destress a bit and I'll see you tomorrow."

I smile up at Jess now, thankful that I don't need to go onto a stage and force a confidence that I can't find in myself right now. "You're the best, I'll see you tomorrow."

I stand up and hug Jess tighter than normal needing a bit of comfort for a couple of seconds.

"Hope you feel better baby!" Jess shouts after me as I walk outside the doors into the cool night air once again.

Home is just as quiet as it was when I left so I put on the speaker letting Lana Del Ray play through my apartment. My body collapses onto the couch feeling exhausted even though I haven't done very much today.

'I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast
I am alone in the night
Been tryin' hard not to get in trouble, but I
I've got a war in my mind'

My phone rings from the next room and I throw myself off the couch running to get it. My heart races as I look down at the unknown number that flashes across my screen. In that moment I feel myself not wanting to answer the call out of fear of disappointment but my finger slides across the screen before I can top myself.

"Hello?" My voice is almost a whisper, dreading hearing any other voice than his.

"Hey it's Lewis from the other night," his voice is like velvet against my ear and in that moment all of the pent up stress these past couple of days has vanished.

"How nice of you to call Lewis, was starting to think you had disappeared." I keep my voice light making sure he cant tell how scared I was that that was true.

"Well in truth, I'm not too sure on the protocol of how soon too desperate is and how late asshole is. I'm kind of new at this having to court a girl thing." For the first time Lewis sounded vulnerable, not able to hide behind his confident aura or expensive clothes.

"Oh let me guess, girls usually throw themselves at you?" I laugh thinking about how many girls I know must do that.

"Not quite, I just don't normally pay much attention to them."

"You sound nervous," I tease him slightly liking this new side to him.

"You make me nervous Haillie." My eyes widen and my mouth practically gapes open not quite believing I heard those words right.

"I think you're getting that the wrong way around."

"Haha, it's making me feel like a crazy person. I don't normally feel like I need to be near people but I don't know, you're just different."

"Where's this coming from?"

"What do you mean? I'd rather let you know exactly how I'm feeling than wonder what you think of me for days on end, overthinking is a killer."

"Well since we are being honest, I think you're damn near perfect. I think that there's nothing I can offer you that you don't already have." My voice cracks a bit at my own honestly knowing that he will grow bored of me eventually.

"You couldn't be more wrong with that one Haillie."

The line goes quiet for a few seconds which feels like an eternity listening to his breath float through the speaker before he breaks the silence.

"Let me take you away this weekend, my family have a cabin by the sea where we could talk around campfires on the sand and hike through the surrounding Forrests. It's give us time away from real life to get to know one another."

My brain paints a perfect scene of what could be in my hand as he describes the cabin. Everything about him is just so perfect, too perfect but I don't ever want this fantasy to end.

"That sounds like a good plot for a horror film, bring a girl into a cabin in the woods on false pretences to murder her."

"Don't you think if I were going to murder you I would've done it by now?"

"I mean I don't know your style," he laughs with me when I say this.

"Well Haillie, I promise you I'm not a murderer luring you with false pretences. I'm just a man who wishes to spend time with a beautiful girl."

"Okay," I smile up at my ceiling before I could say no, feeling free, let's do something reckless without worrying about consequences for once.