A Soldier's Love

08. A New Mistress

I was lucky, for I was to be educated in agony while being with Dani, but Dani been educated all alone, all his life. Perhaps that was how I found him in such a pitiable state. I wondered if I was ever to see him sober.

It went without saying that I would always be seeing him.

Unnerved by his apartment, and by him, I took us out for breakfast. Dani nibbled a strip of bacon and ordered a martini. I asked if he always drank like this. He said yes.

Dani mercilessly ribbed me the whole time we were at breakfast, also making a joke of himself.

"What a fine pair we make, don't we, what a weird couple of fops we are! Aren't we, darling?"

"If any of your mates saw you with me right now, you'd never hear the end of it."

"You know that sodomy is punishable by years of hard labor, don't you?"

On and on, I knew it was partly the alcohol talking, but also it was Dani-- so full of fear, so insecure, so unsure of himself. So surprised that a respectable soldier like me would go out in public with the likes of him. But I, I cared nothing for what anyone might see, say, or do. My eyes belonged to Dani. My heart belonged to Dani. And my wallet, too, belonged to Dani, and he seemed to know it, batting his lashes at me upon asking if he could order another drink. Of course I said yes. I would always say yes. Even when I knew he needed to stop, even when I knew another drink could be his last, I would Always. Say. Yes.

"It isn't your fault," Marguerite interjected, giving his hand a squeeze.

"What's that?" said Jack.

"Any of it," said the girl, shrugging a little. "Dani being a boy, or being a drunk, or your getting hurt... none of it is your fault, you know."

Corporal Harrington looked up at her, and a tired smile tugged at his lips. "Thank you, Margie. Now, if you'd quit interrupting-- I'd like to finish the story before I am suffocated entirely by the blood filling my lungs. If you please."

"Oh, Jack! How awful!" said Marguerite. "I'm... I'm so sorry, please continue."

By and by, the more time I spent with Dani, the more comfortable he was being sober around me. It was difficult to be around him when he was very drunk or very stoned, for those were the times when he was merciless. He'd lash out at me, abuse himself, refuse to eat, refuse to do anything but make love and drink.

But the times he was sober, ah, me! Dani was never a ray of sunshine, but he had a sense of humor when he was sober. He was kind and sweet when he was sober. He loved me the way I'd always wanted to be loved-- when he was sober.

When Dani was sober, we made Heaven on Earth. When he was able to come to me, clear-eyed and fully awake, there was a spark of pure magic between us. I've never been religious, but being with Dani, kissing him in the twilight, giving him little gifts, making him smile however I could, and loving his body as ferociously as I dared, was the closest I ever felt to God.

Funny how many others would insist that God frowned upon our union. But I say, to hell with them all. It matters not what anyone says, remember that always. It matters only how you feel in your heart. Everything else is a matter of opinion and it makes no mind to you.

Over the course of two strange years, the good times with Dani became happily more and more frequent. I subsidized an apartment for Dani to get him out of the abhorrent conditions I'd found him in, and to spare myself the pain of seeing it when I visited with him. I forgot about my military career for a while, and spent all of my time and energy on Dani, and I was happy to do it. I knew I'd be in the army forever, so I wasn't in any hurry. My motivation to advance my career had been to break up the emptiness and monotony of my life, and Dani did both handily. Loving him was never boring, and he filled my heart to bursting every time I so much as looked at him.