A Soldier's Love

12. The End

Having assumed I would not encounter air resistance, I had no weapons on board except for the shells I would drop on the German reinforcements, but my enemy had come prepared to fight me. I tried to maintain my course, but he intercepted me, firing at me with a handgun. Holes punched in the wing, in the nose, a bullet even hit the propeller, but I was not downed yet.

I kept on toward my target, bound by honor, by duty, by stubbornness, to get there and discharge the explosives, but when I passed him for the fourth time, I saw something dark and fist-shaped fly from his cockpit: A grenade, which went off about a foot away from the door of my plane, and sent it down in flames. The fire engulfed my body, especially the left half, yet I might have retained my limbs had they not been crushed just moments later.

The frame around the cockpit protected me from the impact. I dragged myself out of the ruined aircraft just moments before the gas tank exploded. With the explosion, one of the huge metal wings ripped off of the frame, flew a couple of feet to where I had managed to crawl, and pinned me to the ground, mangling my arm and leg. I lay trapped, in excruciating pain, and fearful that another explosion of some unspent pocket of fuel might do me in. The heat radiating off of the burning aircraft seared my skin, and made the air intolerably hot to breathe. I should say I have never breathed right since. I've no idea how long I lay waiting, thinking I was probably dying-- but the fire had cauterized my flesh and so I did not bleed out. Nor did I lose consciousness. I wish that I had lost consciousness, in order to escape the pain, but God did not see fit to show me such mercy.

Amid the twisted, burning wreckage I lay for many hours. I knew that I'd be found eventually, the question was, would I survive that long? I had gone down very near the border, and was as like to be captured and executed by the Germans as I was to be found by my own men.

So I waited. I sweated. I talked to Dani, even though he was not there, and told him I was sorry for having failed to save him. I thought of our love, how perfect it had been, and the times we had enjoyed together. I thought of him singing at the window that morning, over four years past, so beautiful and slim with just a little rouge on his pouting lips. I thought of how gently he had tended me when I was wounded the first time, and, despite my injury, how happy those months had been for us, and I took solace in the memories. My mind was fading at that time, and I was delirious when my men found me-- blessedly-- before the Germans did.

I was rescued and rushed to the nearest hospital, where they stabilized me, then sent me to the large military hospital in Paris, where I would convalesce. I do not recall much of that time, for I was dependent on morphine for the constant, searing pain of the healing burns and amputated limbs. I vaguely remember the armistice day, and I wish I had been more conscious of it, but it was only ten days after the incident and I was still in very poor shape. Plus, there was no joy in the armistice for me, unless I was with Dani.

Captain Carraway visited me often, as did a few of the men from my division, and for the remainder of the year, I was never in want of company. One by one, however, they were sent back to England, the Captain the last one remaining. He had made an arrangement for me, that I should stay in Paris and convalesce while he worked to have my charges dropped. Had I been strong enough, I would have told him to stuff it, and gone back to England to find my lover. But I could scarcely move. I could not walk. Even sitting up was fatiguing at that point. I saw no way that I could possibly travel, and even if I did manage to get there, how was a crippled freak like me supposed to get around? And even worse, I wondered if Dani would still want me in this condition. I was divided on that issue-- half of me said yes, of course he would; the other half said no, Dani is a vain little thing, and he'll want nothing to do with you.