I honestly feel like I'm way too clingy:( like I have a feeling that all my friends secretly hate me because of this. Like I constantly stay with them, hug them and just like, rest my body on them. That's sounds weird idrc.
but seriously. I've been trying to distance myself because of this but I just can't??? I have such low self esteem and I don't think I can be happier or less self conscious without friends but having friends just makes me stressed about if I'm good enough, too clingy, stupid or they're just fake.
Of course, I trust the with my life but the last friendship that I've recently ended made me so self conscious and I just - idk... The girl literally called me a possessive bitch and then just told me we're not friends anymore. Will my current friends do that? I don't know and that's why I'm scared. Should I change myself? Probably yes but it's fucking difficult to try and change your personality traits..
I've been bullied for years and whenever I would change myself, I would some how be bullied for something else. People always finds ways to hate me and it sucks.
I just want to die and I don't care how dramatic that sounds. I've attempted suicide before but the only reason I didn't go all the way was because one of my friends, which is genavi, texted me. That's why I'm so fucking clingy to my current friends because I'm scared that if I don't have them that next time I'll fully go through and I'll break all my loved ones hearts. My mom told me that if I ever die, she won't have the will power to keep living so she'll kill herself. I don't want to the the cause of that...
:(
