The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals [LYRICS]

Show Me Your Hands

[SAM]
Ma'am, I need you to take a step back
You're facing the law, not the clerk at The Gap
Yeah, we're cops
Yeah, we're cops
You'd better shape on up

You better empty out all of them pockets
But don't empty out all of them pockets
Yeah, we're cops
Yeah, we're cops
And we make sense

Show me your hands!
Show me those jazz hands
Get 'em up or you'll end up in cuffs
Show me those hands
Show me those jazz hands
Or I might
Be inclined
To shoot you up

[COP #1]
You go forty in a thirty-five
Check your mirror, you'll find hell has arrived

[COPS]
'Cause we're cops
Yeah, we're cops
We're up in your shi-et

[COP #2]
Kathy lost her cat in a tree

[SAM]
Contact fire, not the HFPD

[COPS]
'Cause we're cops
Yeah, we're cops

[COP #2]
Her cat is dead!

[COPS]
Show me your hands
Show me those jazz hands
Get 'em up or you'll end up in cuffs
Show me your hands
Show me those jazz hands
Or I might
Be inclined to shoot you

[SAM]
Step away from the vehicle
Step away from the vehicle
Get back in the vehicle
Get back in the vehicle
Slowly get out of the vehicle
Slowly get out of the vehicle
Do the things I say, I'm a cop

[SAM, COP #1 & (COP #2)]
Step away from the vehicle (Get those hands up) whee-yoo, whee-yoo
Step away from the vehicle (Get those hands up) whee-yoo, whee-yoo
Get back in the vehicle (Put those hands down) whee-yoo, whee-yoo
Get back in the vehicle (Put those hands down) whee-yoo, whee-yoo
Slowly get out of the vehicle (Get those hands up) whee-yoo, whee-yoo
Slowly get out of the vehicle (Get those hands up) whee-yoo, whee-yoo
Do the things I say (Up, down!) whee-yoo, whee-yoo

[COPS]
I'm a cop!

[SAM]
9-1-1, emergency call
Got a 4-1-1, at a shopping mall
Better pack your heat and utility belt
Any mall rats comin' in hot, they'll melt

[COP #2]
Sarge, that's your wife on the 9-1-1

[COP #1]
What that bitch want, Sarge?

[COP #2]
She wants to snug

[SAM]
Grab your nine millimeter and a doughnut bucket
Want my badge number?

[COPS]
Put in your mouth and suck it!

[CHARLOTTE, spoken]
Oh, Sam, please stop! I'm your wife, just talk to me, baby!

[SAM (COPS)]
Show me your hands (ba-pa-ra-ba-ra)
Show me those jazz hands (ba-pa-ra-ba-ra)
Get 'em up or you'll end up in cuffs (ba-pa-ra-ba-ra)
Show me those hands (uh-ba-pa-ra-ba-ra)
Show me those jazz hands (ba-pa-ra-ba-ra)

[COPS]
Or I might
Be inclined
To shoot you

author's note; this is me as a cop. this is why i'm not a cop.