My (Ex-Mercenary) Valentine || Spideypool

𝓯𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓼

He's groggy when he wakes up, but his phone is blaring obnoxiously from under his pillow. He digs it out and answers without checking the ID.

"What?"

"Do you know where I can get chloroform...like without stealing it?"

"Wha- Deadpool?" says a still mostly asleep Peter. The voice on the other line stops it's idle chatter. He seems to check the phone before coming back through the speaker in a whisper.

"I am so sorry, baby boy. I was trying to call Weas."

"For what?"

"Chloroform."

"And why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?" Peter says, but he doesn't know what else he expected from Deadpool, if he's being completely honest with himself.

"Doing a job. And unaliving is unavailable."

"Well that's good at least. I'm going back to sleep, DP. Be safe. Love you." His last two words are mumbled in his sleepiness and he's hanging up and asleep before he can hear Deadpool's gasp or even realize what happened.

Later when Peter is awake and fully dressed and heading out to patrol he sees Deadpool waving at him from a roof excitedly. He stops by with a smile even if the merc can't see it.

"Hey, Red, how's it going?"

"I uh- I got you these..." Deadpool says holding out a bouquet of flowers, because maybe Spidey just isn't very into chocolates and romance, but he said he loved him so it had to mean something. The sound of it had made Deadpool's heart flip and his stomach drop. He was blushing under the mask. Under the scars. Spiderman wouldn't be able to see it. "They're spider lilies cause...you're you. And well, I'm allergic to roses."

"Thanks, 'Pool. What're these for?" Spidey asks even as he takes them in his hand and raises his mask to the bridge of his nose in order to sniff them.

"I saw them and I thought of you." Deadpool is panicking because who the fuck gave a grown man like Spidey the ability to be so fucking adorable. "You're cute, they're cute. You both smell nice. Wouldn't mind taking either of you home."

"I'm not sure what we'd do at your house," says Spiderman laughing."You broke the XBox the last time I was there. Remember?"

"Couldn't forget that ass on my couch if I tried, baby boy." Deadpool looks around. It's still pretty early. They could maybe catch a nice taco truck date. He could make this thing official. See if Spidey really meant what he said. He took a breath. "So, Webs-"

"Don't mean to take your flowers and run, bud, but can you hold the fort down for a bit while I take these back to my place? I won't be long. Promise. I'll find a nice vase and everything."

Deadpool only nods as Spiderman swings off again and he wants to scream. How the fuck does Spiderman interpret him giving him flowers as a totally platonic bro thing. Sure, they were basically best friends, but they weren't buds. Deadpool wanted to be more than that. He knows Webs wasn't straight, he'd told him so himself! So why was he acting like such a fucking dudebro idiot. Deadpool is banging his head on one of the brick walls behind him when he hears a woman scream and rushes off to help while Spiderman was busy being a bud.