My (Ex-Mercenary) Valentine || Spideypool

𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓮𝓼

This has to work.

Deadpool has payed for a ton of unconventional candy hearts, spent extra money on overnight shipping, and he's even wrapped them in gift baggies. He covers one of the lower rooftops in Queens with heart formations made of baggies and waits.

"You have to stop leaving your snacks all over town, Red," Spiderman says when he finally shows up. He drops an armful of candy heart bags in front of Deadpool's feet.

"They're for you, Webs!" Deadpool says excitedly. "Did you look at them? I ordered them special! Gonna woo the webs off of you."

"A piece of candy that says plow me isn't exactly woo-ing, DP."

The older man nodded, but even with his mask firmly in place Spiderman could tell he was pouting. He stepped closer and wrapped a hand around Deadpool's bicep, squeezing it reassuringly.

"I get it, Spidey. You're more of a romance kind of guy, eh?"

"I- well, no. Not really? I mean, I'm not really good at relationships. I can't really-" He shook his head. "Listen, 'Pool, it could be romantic to some people,but you've been doing this for a couple days now. Whoever this person is, I would say just let it go okay?"

"It's not- Spidey, you know you're the only one for me, right?"

"Sure, Red, whatever. Just stop leaving your little baggies all over town, people are complaining to the police."

"No!" Deadpool says before realizing exactly what Spidey had said. "I mean, it's not whatever! I really like you, ya know? And I really want to woo you and stuff but it's like all of this is going straight over your head, you little smol bean of a spider."

Even through the mask Deadpool could tell that Spidey had rolled his eyes.

"Okay, 'Pool. Whatever you say, but why don't you start with cleaning up your mess, alright? I'm going on patrol."

There was a scream in the distance and Spiderman was swinging off to save lives. For the first time in almost three months Wade wanted to shove a .45 in his mouth and pull the trigger.

Either Webs was just that oblivious, or he just hated the idea of Wade and him together. Which was fair enough. Wade was under no illusions about what he looked like or who he was.

He plopped down on the roof and opened a bag of candy. What did Spidey even like? He needed a better plan.