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"what if he finds out"
"he won't baby."
he was always my best friend, my person, like a brother to me.
but oh how one drunken night can change that.
i close all those thoughts out of my head and put on an outfit and decide to go shopping for some more stuff for the baby room.
i do my hair and makeup.
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i grab my purse and keys and get in my car and head to the mall.
i forgot to say, i told lily about the baby and she was so happy for me.
i call her on the way there.
"hey bitch." she says and i giggle.
"hey you wanna go to the mall?" i ask turning the wheel.
"yeah sure i'll be there in ten." she says.
"k bye." i say and hang up.
_
"i'm gonna go to urban outfitters real quick, they have a sale on sweaters." i say and lily nods and i head in the store.
i find a few sweaters and a pair of jeans and i start to head over to the cash register when i see him.
nate.
my heart sinks.
i jump behind a clothing rack.
i hear his beautiful voice.
i sneak my head out and see him talking to cameron, and sammy.
he smiles and shows those dimples.
a tear goes down my face.
then he sees me.
my whole face goes white.
i drop the clothes and run out of the store.
i had my bag in front of my stomach so he thankfully didn't see my big belly.
i get in my car and text lily saying my stomach was hurting.
i start the car but i can't drive away.
i can't hold it in.
i erupt in tears.
my face hits the steering wheel making the horn honk.
i just saw the love of my life and father of my child.
for the first time in 9 months.
then i feel her kick me.
i smile and the tears go away.
the grey clouds turn back to sunshine.
i wipe my tears and drive home.
_
i'm laying on the couch eating ice cream and i look at the time.
2:34 AM
i yawn and start to go up the steps but i stop when i get the worst pain i've ever possibly had from my stomach.
i fall on the floor in pain.
then i see water on the floor.
i pick up my phone and call jack.
"clara what's wrong it's li-" he starts to say but i stop him.
"it's time." i say.
"i'm coming now." he says and hangs up.
_
"ok it's gonna be okay clar. i'm right here!" jack says on the way to the hospital.
"jack i can't do this! i'm not strong enough! iiii can't do this!" i yell in tears and pain squeezing jacks hand.
"hey! you can do this! think of mommy! mom was only a few years older than you when she had me! ok?! mommy made you to be strong just like her!" he says and i nod.
my mind goes back to my mom.
mom was there for me though everything.
after dad died she was teared apart inside.
but she never showed to us.
she was always smiling and happy.
i need to be just like her.
i want my mom to be looking down on me right now smiling and happy for real with daddy too.
i tighten my grip around jacks hand.
_
"she's too far! take her straight to the delivery room!" the paramedic yells pulling me on the gurney in to the hospital.
doctors come up to and start pushing me down the hallways.
we get to the delivery room.
lily showed up just in time and lily told jack that he did not wanna see what's gonna happen in that room so she came in with me.
"okay clara! i'm gonna need you to start pushing now!" the doctor says.
i nod and grab lily's hand.
"you've got this c!" lily yells. _ "ok! one more push clara!" the doctor yells.
"i can't fucking push anymore jackass!" i yell at the doctor in pain.
lily laughs.
"she's sorry for that." lily says.
"it's fine. happens all the time." he says.
i do the last push and throw my head back in relief.
i hear crying.
the doctor brings the baby over to me.
i look down and see the most beautiful baby girl ever.
tears go down my face.
"she's beautiful c." lily says.
i look back down at her.
she shows a cute little smile.
and i see she has the most adorable dimples.
just like nate.
then i look at her eyes.
their a beautiful brown just like nates.
"ms. gilinsky, do we have any names in mind?" the doctor says.
"actually i do." i say.
i have been thinking of names for a while, but only one comes to mind.
