Why Don't We Imagines and Preferences *ON HIATUS*

Hope (Jack)

"Goodbye Jack. I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore." I sobbed, looking to my newly-ex-boyfriend of 8 months. I slammed my door and let myself sink to the floor, dragging my back against it. I let myself cry a little bit before closing my eyes and taking a big breath in. After standing up and straightening my shirt, I began the long road of letting go. I thought about everything that had happened over the course of our relationship. Like how things could have been so much better and how we both could have avoided so much if we had only tried a little bit harder. I wouldn't have been as hurt. I thought Jack was so good for me, when really, he did so much to hurt me. Used me when I was too in love with him to realize it. He made me feel so good, but at the same time, like I was just a piece of shit he stepped in and now, can't get off of his $200 shoes. I loved so much though. I would have done almost anything for him. 

I would have walked through fire to kiss your lips 

I sometimes would drive by his house on the way to work or a friend's house or something and be reminded of the way I used to feel about Jack. I thought of specific dates that I had been on with him, where I would start the night feeling like a princess. Jack would get reservations at a fancy restaurant and I would dress up all nice. Then, a little later, Jack would turn into a different person. He would act like he was not only bored, but also become really rude to everyone. I would go back home feeling like I didn't matter to him at all. Driving past his house made me feel all those things again and it would hurt like hell. 

Still see your old apartment, like a bad trip. Wish I could forget all the places we've been

He also made me cry. Time after time, I found myself crying after a particularly bad fight or a time when I felt unappreciated. Now, I know that he didn't deserve my tears, but at the time, I felt like maybe he would be better later on. He never was. I would get back to my apartment and cry in my bedroom for what felt like hours. I would sit there feeling horrible about myself and like I wasn't good enough. Then, I would debate calling Jack. Telling him that I didn't want to be with him anymore. But I would chicken out, thinking that he would apologize and we could be better. I guess I was just kidding myself.

Boy, you know how to make a girl cry. Was sleeping in a bed full of lies. And now that I'm older, I can see why

Now I know better. I know that some people are just not the best for you and no matter how hard you try, it won't fix anything. I used to be so invested in the relationship I thought we would have. The idea of dating Jack instead of the reality. I was too naive and in love, telling myself that we would be together forever. Now, I realize I was just hoping for something that wasn't ever going to be there.

Now that I know (now that I know) That wasn't love, that wasn't love, that was just hope