Decaffeinated

sixteen.

Jeongyeon went out a bit to answer her phone, and when she came back, her face looked like she's mad and sad at the same time.

“Hey Momo.” she called and went closer to our table. “I can't have lunch with you today. My father called and I'm need to meet him later.” I gave her a smile to lift up her mood. “It's okay, we can talk tomorrow or some other time.” she smiled back. “What are we gonna talk about, by the way?” I chuckled. “It's a secret.”

Jeongyeon tilted her head, she wants to know it so badly, I know she does. She gave me a look that she always gives when she force or really wants me to do something, or go somewhere, and somehow, it happens to work every damn time.

“Hyung!” Chaeyoung shouted that made the three of us look at her behind the counter. “I'll be right back.” Jeongyeon said and jogged towards her.

“Why do you want to talk to her?” Mina caught my attention. “I just want to talk about things with her.” I said.

“What things?”
“It's a secret, Mitang.”
“You keeping a secret to your bestfriend is not a good idea.”
“You'll know it after we talk about it.”
“And that is when?”
“I don't know. You have to be patient.”
“Fine.”

Me and Mina talked nonstop about the company, our actors/actresses, production design, and the likes. Mostly about work, but we talked about going back to Japan when we have a lot of day offs. I didn't noticed that we were talking for almost 2 hours now.

Jeongyeon went out with her changed clothes, A black shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, and black shoes. I don't know if she's going to a burial or something.

“I'm free tomorrow.” Jeongyeon said and went out quickly. I got curious why she's on a hurry, and then I saw Chaeyoung near us so I decided to ask her.

“Chaeyoung.” I called, she went to us.
“Yes? How can I help you?” I gulped. “Why is Jeongyeon on a hurry?”

“Oh, that's because her father called her to go to their house.”
“You know the reason?”
“Uhh, I don't know if I should say this, but she's going to meet someone today, like a date, I think.”
“Oh, okay. Thank you, Chaeyoung.”

After knowing those information, I felt a heavy feeling in my chest. Jeongyeon, who loved me for more than 5 years, is meeting someone that's not me? After her big confession that made me feel confused, she already met a new person? I don't have any rights to feel this because I myself don't even know why I'm feeling this.

“Momoring.”
“Yes, Mina?”
“Are you alright?”
“What? I mean, why wouldn't I be?”
“Nothing, I just saw your reaction when Chaeyoung said that.”
“Maybe an impulsive reaction, but I'm perfectly fine, Mitang.”

Am I?

-

I've been lying around the bed all day, nothing productive has happened since I got home from the cafe. But I'm still thinking about Jeongyeon and that person she's dating today. Does she really not love me anymore? I've been. thinking about this a hundred of times today. Maybe I fell for her already? Have I really sort out my feelings? The thought kills me. I don't want to hurt Jeongyeon with my not-so-sure feelings.

I need a drink.

I stood up and went to the shower. I decided to go to the bar where me and my college friends used to go to. The bar is very close to my apartment. I'm close with the bartender/owner of the bar and she's just so good with advices.

I wore a denim short and a plain black hoodie. I wanted to invite Mina but she was busy with something, so I'm going there alone. I went out and walked to the bar.

“Momo? Is that you?” the bartender said, I smiled at her widely, she never changed.
“Byul unnie!” I went closer to the counter.

“It is you! Been a while since I last saw you here.”
“Just want to grab drinks.”
“Is that really all?”
“...No. I want to get some advice, too.”
“Sit, I'll prepare you a drink.”

Moonbyul unnie's bar was our place to drink when I was in college. Me, Mina, and my other friends would always go here after exams, semestreal break, and when someone has a problem. I can say that this place had a lot of memories, and Moonbyul unnie saw it all.

“Here,” She gave me a vodka and tonic. I chugged it all down.
“Woah, calm down, Momo.” she exclaimed.  “Sorry, I just missed the taste of your mix, unnie.” she smiled at me. “What is it you want to talk about?” I put my glass down. “You know Sana and me were together, right? We broke up 2 months ago. And now, I'm feeling a strong feeling towards someone.” unnie nodded. “You're saying?”

“Isn't it a bit fast to find someone?”
“What do you mean? It's fine to find someone new, even if its a bit early.”
“But I think I still have feelings for Sana.”
“Then let the person wait until you're fully healed. If that person really loves you, they will wait, and if you really have feelings for them, you'll go on full effort to fix yourself and won't abuse them.”
“But 5 years is so hard to heal, unnie. And she already waited enough.”
“It doesn't stand against the right person, Momo. You just have to weight what's more worth it and important. Her, or 5 years.”
“I'm just scared that at the end I'll just hurt her, unnie.”
“That's what Yongsun told me.”
“Yongsun?”
“My wife. She told me that and I said that I was ready to endure every pain she'll give to me.”
“Wow, Moonbyul unnie fell in love?”
“And still falling.”
“How did you get Yongsun?”
“I've waited for her for almost a decade. I know that she was the one, and so I didn't gave up on her. She went thru a lot of heartbreaks, I was there to be her shoulder to cry on everytime, until I she told me that she realizes that she has fallen for me.”
“A decade isn't a joke, unnie. You're so strong.”
“I am, and she is so worth it. Yongsun is so precious that I couldn't even imagine my world without her.”

I drank more of vodka and tonic, and some soju and beer. I felt the world spinning, like as if there's an earthquake happening. I took more shots until I felt numb and couldn't move anymore.