My Fucked Up Life.

A baffled Alexithymia.

Baffled. That's how I feel about everything. I'm an Alexithymia. What's an Alexithymia you might ask?

"Alexithymia is a personality construct characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. The core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating. Furthermore, people with alexithymia have difficulty in distinguishing and appreciating the emotions of others, which is thought to lead to unempathic and ineffective emotional responding. Alexithymia occurs in approximately 10% of the population and can occur with a number of psychiatric conditions."

I don't really know how to distinguish every emotions that I feel. I do know what are them but I don't know how to describe them and I sometimes don't know what emotions I am feeling. It's really hard being an Alexithymia because hello? I have depression and this unknown mental illness that I have ever since I was a child.. so it really is hard for me to be able to have a normal day everyday.

I even got to a point where.. I was getting scared(?) because I barely know what emotions I am feeling. But take note of this.. I still know what some of my emotions feels like but it's just hard for me to distinguish them and sometimes feel them and express them.

And the hardest part is where you're feeling something but you don't know what it is so you start having this rage that came out of nowhere and then you started hating everything and everyone around you and you don't know how to explain and express yourself because fuck you you're as baffled as they are.

It sucks to be me.. it really is.