My Fucked Up Life.

I like you.

Hello.. I'm back with yet again another drama story for you guys to read.

I guarantee you that this is my first time falling in love with someone this deeply. Yes, I've been in a relationship twice but that didn't go well since y'know? Boys are boys😒. Well, my first ever boyfriend well we're best friends at first but then y'know things escalated quickly well not really since it took us 2 years to even realize that we like each other more than friends y'know what I mean? And the second one? I wouldn't really say that we're really dating since he didn't commit into the relationship and it's all just a fling for him but yeah we cool in fact!! We're close friends until to this day!! But yeah off topic!! The first one literally fucked me up because I've been like head over heals and guess what!? That bitch used me so he could move on; I mean it's kind of my fault for ignoring the fact that I knew the guy is a fuckboy and a flirt, come on we've been friends and I helped him with courting girls. But yeah long story short he broke my heart, it was all one sided and I promised myself not to fall in love ever again. And guess what? I was a pro at keeping that promise!! I kept that promise for about 2 years: I rejected those you confessed to me and I didn't let myself falling for someone. That's how hurt I was y'all.

But yeah I guess promises are really made to be broken because after 2 years I met this guy and I for some reason I keep involving myself to everything he does. We became friends and I started developing feelings for him then I kind of fucked up because I should've have stopped my feelings for him as soon as possible and so I fucked up because I confessed to him out of jealousy, could you blame me though? I was so jealous because he's also close to the girl and they look so cute together, he even showed me the letter that the girl wrote on the back of his notebook. I hate myself for getting jealous easily, I'm not even in the position to get jealous since we're only friends.

Fast forward. I did confess to him and he shrugged it off and we're cool! Little did I know what I'm really getting myself into. So you see I'm friends with the guy's friends. We have the same circle of friends. He's friends with my bestfriends and vice versa. So me and my stupid ass made this fucking stupid decision that I would always leave a sweet goodnight message for him and it lasted for about a month and he always respond with "Aww" and emojis and he'll always say that he's flattered, he didn't deserve my sweet messages and that he really appreciated those messages. So you might think that why am I even making a fuss when it's going smooth? Well hold my tea and let me tell you something!!! THAT JERK DECIDED TO FLIRT BACK AND WHEN PEOPLE WOULD ASK HIM WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN US HE WOULD ALWAYS SAY THAT WE'RE JUST BESTFRIENDS!! LIKE FUCK THE AUDACITY!! HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT YOU'RE MESSING UP SOMEONE'S FEELING FOR YOUR OWN SATISFACTION AND USE THAT GIRLS FEELINGS SO YOU COULD MOVE ON FROM YOUR EX!? LIKE SHIT!! HOW CRUEL CAN YOU BE?

I guess it's kind of my fault also since people have been warning me about the guy. And I didn't listen because I thought that "What if he really did change this time?". How I wish I could travel back in time and just slap myself real hard so I could wake up to my senses!!! I was just so intrigued by him :(( Like shit I've never felt this way before!! I'm like foreign to this feeling. I mean what would you do if the person you like is making you feel special? Our friends even told me that "Hey, you should really distance yourself from him and have you noticed that he's really different when you're around, he acts so different when it comes to you". There's this one time that his other ex? That's now my bestfriend, like a sister rather, (They're also friends like a really goodfriends, they just thought that they wouldn't work out and they're better off as friends and they're on good terms soo yeah back to the story). So I talked to her and kind of revealed some of the things I didn't knew is kind of a big deal? I told her that I'm kind of confused because there would be times where when I'm on the way instead of saying excuse me, he'll literally hold my waist and move me to side and tell me that I'm blocking his way. There's this time when we're on our way to the studio like me and him since our houses are not that far we would go to the studio together and when we're commuting he would lay his head onto my shoulders. And I even told her that there's that one time where I'm sleeping and he literally caress my waist to wake me up.. come on!? Who does that!? After saying those things she literally asked me if I was lying or if I just made up those stories and I told her that no and the things that I told her were all true, she then straight up told me that "He's not the type of guy who get comfortable to girls and initiate skinships, he kind of hates skinships so why would he let you be comfortable to him let alone make the first move? Well shit, he's only like that to the person he likes" And so after hearing that I almost fainted like hands down because there's no way that my crush would like me back!? LIKE YOOO AM I DREAMING? So I kind of gave her a nervous laugh and told her that it can't be but then she keeps on insisting then she told me that she noticed it too that me and my crush are kind of getting comfortable to each other but not to comfortable because I'm a smol ball of fluff and people knew that I like skinships and hugs, they know that I like hugging, comforting and making people smile sooo yeah. People that I'm close with knew that I do that because I don't like seeing people sad and hurt because I know what it feels like, basically I try making people happy and I try to fix people because I don't want them to end up broken like me. OK BACK TO THE TOPIC AND SOOOOO WE BECAME CLOSE AND MY FEELINGS GREW AS MONTHS GOES BY!!