The Things I Never Told You

Not Enough

I'm not enough.

I'm never enough. I never have been, I never will be. I'm too little of everything.

I'm not enough for my mom. I need to drop ten pounds. I need to brush my hair differently. I need to be more athletic. I need to get off the couch. I need to stop going out. I need to be a straight-A student. I need to be a cheerleader. I need to be the nicest person anyone will ever meet. I need to keep things to myself. I need to stop being so selfish. I need to be perfect.

I'm not enough for my friends. I shouldn't feel lonely. I shouldn't want to be away from them ever. I shouldn't talk to people they don't like. I can't look at a guy they don't approve. I need to support them on everything, even if I think they're wrong. I'm not a good friend.

I'm not enough for boys. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not experienced enough. I'm not interesting enough. I'm crazy. I'm just like all the other girls, so don't give me ideas. God forbid you flirt with me and I think you like me. And don't even lead me on, or I'll just lose it. No. You're just better off staying away from me.

I'm not enough for me. I'm selfish. I'm insane. I'm alone. I'm fat. I'm stupid. I'm useless. I'm helpless. I'm stubborn. I won't talk to people. I know I'm fucked and I don't even give a shit. I have stupid thoughts. I'm insecure. I'm annoying. I'm a horrible person. I'm selfish.

And just in general, I'm not enough.