The Things I Never Told You

I Wish

I wish I could get away from you.

I wish you would leave me alone, let me be. 

Let me be happy.

I can't do that, not with you waiting there, watching me. I can't be happy knowing that you're still there, that maybe I could reach you one day. I can't be happy because I spend most of that energy wishing I could have you.

I spend the rest of that energy wishing you'd be gone forever.

And that is why I'm tired all the time, every day.

I wish I could be a better me, so that I could be loved. Not just by others, but by myself too. I'm damn tired of this self-hatred, it just sucks.

I wish I was okay. With and without you. I can't live with you and I can't live without you, so what the hell am I supposed to do?

Fuck, I've never known what to do. I just kind of go with it and hope I don't die. but I have the feeling I can't do that anymore. When I have to concentrate this hard on being happy, I can't just fall out again. It's not that easy.

I wish I was happy.

I wish I could stop wishing.