below the surface →︎ trans peter parker

seven

by the way, in this au pepper died from the fall at the end of iron man 3, thats why ironstrange is canon. sorry i had to do her dirty like that tho, i love my girl pepper.

-

i walked in the door, eyes puffy and red, cheeks flushed, pale as the light i wish i has walked in to.

aunt may was instantly on my case.

"peter, w-what happened? are you ok?" she asked, running over to me.

"i um... i don't..." i couldn't spit it out. i never liked facing my problems.

she just wrapped her arms around me like i was still a child. we stayed like this for a while. it was peaceful and nostalgic. nostalgia is not something often find comforting, but in this sense it felt like heaven.

"can i stay here for a little?" i finally said.

"of course, this is always your home."

we sat down on the couch and turned on truTV, continuing an old episode of impractical jokers. we drank tea and stayed quiet, occasionally laughing at the show.

after an hour or two, aunt may had fell asleep. i shut the tv and left only one dim lamp on to make sure she didn't wake up. i put a blanket over her before starting to wander around the apartment.

i brushed my hands along the old pictures hung on the wall. half of them were before i was born, photos of may and ben when they were young, with their family, or with each other. a few were of my parents when they were younger.

the rest were me young but post-transition. there were a couple of me pre-transition, but i made may keep it to a minimum and tell my friends that they were of her.

as much as i wish i could forget there ever was a female me, i cant let go of obvious past. what am i gonna do, tell people i didn't exist before middle school?

but that doesn't mean everyone needs to know. i chose who gets to know. at least, i did, but i'm not too sure anymore.

i mean, i was going to tell them eventually. i was. but it just wasn't the right time. all the anxiety when i first went to live with the rest of the avengers came to life yesterday.

i open the door to my old bedroom door. i feel around the wall for the light switch and flick it on. its almost exactly how i remember it, a little cleaner which was probably may.

i walk over to my bed and sit down. it creeks, probably cause its an old piece of shit. but how can i complain? i was raised with this bed. i let out a deep sigh.

i could stay up and worry. i could sit in my bed and think about this shit until dawn. or i could go to bed and wake up with a fresh mind, ready to be clear with my problems and think of a solution when i'm ok enough to do so.

i get up and flip the light off before crawling back under the covers and finally closing my eyes. even with tons of thoughts racing through my head, the exhaustion takes over my body and i drift off instantly.

-

the glistening sun burns through my eyelids and forces me awake. i sit up, groggy, but full of energy. it's sunny, but not in a new morning way. i look over at the alarm clock sitting on my dresser.

its fucking three o'clock in the afternoon.

i scramble up and throw some clean clothes on. as i trip my way to the front room, i see may singing and dancing by herself. theres a radio sitting on the table next to the couch blaring music.

she spins around and sees me. she dances over to me and grabs my hands, making me dance with her.

i let go of all the shit i'm thinking about and let the music go through me, and may's positivity flows through my body. i smile. we sing and dance until the song is over. she jogs over to the radio and lowers it so we can hear each other.

"why didn't you wake me up earlier? i've been sleeping forever." i said to her. she laughed.

"cause you needed it. peter, you came here last night and you looked like you were about to drop dead. im just happy you're ok enough to still dance with me." she smiled.

"i wish we could do this forever." i said, plopping down onto the couch. may took a seat on the other side.

"peter, you can't dance away from your problems. you can use it, among other things, to help you through it, but eventually you have to face them." she said i sighed.

"i know. i know." i said.

"you have to go back there eventually. don't avoid it. just do it. rip the band aid off. get it over with." she said.

aunt may was always cheesy, but she was always right.

"i know. i'll go, i will." i said, standing up.

"after one more song." i said.

she smiled and stood up, turning the radio back up.

-

sorry you've all been waiting a while for this little filler chapter. i swear i'll try to upload another one as soon as i can. im trying to execute the important parts in the best way i can which takes a lot longer than just slamming random shit into a chapter and hitting publish. thanks to everyone for putting up with my bullshit.