Mr. Butter's Tales of Glory

Attack of the Silver Christmas Ornaments

One time I had a dream where the entire state of Kansas burned to a crisp at the figurative hands of a horde of silver Christmas ornaments:

I was in a store in an old western town, behind the register. The town looked like that western town from Rango, but sunnier and with grass.

Suddenly, a great rumbling shakes the plains. I look up the street and see a great cloud of dust approaching the town. As the cloud approaches, a faint clinking sound can be heard, and something sparkles in the dust cloud. The cloud is closer now and I can see that it is, in fact, thousands of silver Christmas ornaments burning everything in their wake. I am suddenly flying overhead, watching the Christmas ornaments destroy my town. I continue following the ornaments for some time until I appear in a different old west town.

I am standing outside of a dilapidated old hotel, and there is this dog guy who tells me that there is a bad guy in the old hotel and I need to catch him. It is well known that all dog guys are always right, and very trustworthy, so I did as he said without question.

I crept into the hotel using the backdoor, and I managed to avoid any creaking floorboards on my way upstairs. I find the outlaw looking out the window in a hotel room. He turns to see me just before I push him downstairs (?). In his anger, he chases me outside, where the dog guy is waiting with a possie. As it turns out, the dog guy is the sheriff. Suddenly, a faint rumbling can be heard. I remember why I am in this town.

"I am here to warn you all, a great evil is approaching the town, you all must fleeeeee!!!!"

But it was too late, the ornaments were upon us, and the town was reduced to a pile of ashes in mere seconds. Again I am flying overhead, helpless to stop the destruction of the prairie. Just as I am wondering when it will end, I appear in a buffalo reserve.

I am told by the keeper that the buffalo reserve holds the last known buffalo on earth, and her calf, who does not yet qualify as a buffalo, but will take her place once he does. I am in awe of the reserve, but then I hear a faint rumbling followed by clinking sounds. The ornaments are upon us yet again. Just when I think we are all doomed, the ornaments stop. They will not destroy the nature reserve because they are avid conservationists themselves. The buffalo live out the rest of their lives in peace, and I wake up confused.