It is just a Game,right?

Chapter 3

The date was good.
We ate at a Chinese reataurant,then went on a walk in the nearby park and we were actually able have a great conversation.Even thought it was most  of the time just him talking.

At the end of the date he gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I was happy.
It felt good to feel a different feeling than being numb.

But my happiness didn't last long...
The next day came and I went to school and I actually didn't feel like trash this morning.
Then a girl of my class came and talked to me.
She must have felt pity for me,I guess.

She told me that the boy,who "dated" me just did it because he lost a bet...

I wasn't just the looser of the class,I also was a punishment for a lost bet.

I was spechless.
I wanted to scream,cry and punch this asshole in the face.
I felt so much at this moment.
I didn't know what exactly.
But what I know was that I was now completly broken.
On this day I fell apart and no one could ever put me back together...

I didn't went to class this morning.
I wasn't able to handle anything today,exspecially not a class full of false people or teachers who would have asked me questions,which I wouldn't be able to answer.
I would break down in front of them and I can't let my facade down.
I can't let them see how broken I was...
I just can't...

Instead I went to a forest,sat on the ground in front of a tree and....just screamed.I just simply screamed till my voice cracked.
Then I cried,I cried so much that my eyes hurt,but I couldn't stop.
I don't wanted to stop...

I always liked the sound of the forest.
The birds,the noise when the wind went through the branches and also the  rustle of the leaves.
It calms me down.
In my life I learnt to estimate the little things.
They were the only thing that kept me by sanity...

Now there I was sitting on the ground,lost in thoughts.
I always got like this when I felt horrible.I just think...

One time I sat on a bench next to a playground and I was doing the same thing.
Then a little girl came and stared directly at me.
I was confused and wanted to ask her if everything is ok,when she suddenly said:"Are you an Angel?"

"What?"

"My mum told me that those who have marked wrists are angels."

She pointed one finger at my wrists.
My sleeves had slid up.

"I'm anything,but not an angel."

"Of course you are.Mum said that only angels harm themselves because they don't like life on earth.This world is destroying them so they try to return to heaven again.They are too sensitive to the pain of others and their own."

"You know,your mum is very wise."

"Thank you.She's also an angels but she has already returned home."

Then she went back to play with her friends.

Whenever I thought about this moment,I always smiled.
She was so young,yet she was smarter than some adults.

Maybe it was because she was so young but I think she knew how miserable I felt that day and that was why she came to me.

The Night slowly came and I had to go home.
I didn't want to go,thought.
I just hoped Mum wouldn't be there yet.

But you should know by now that I have never luck or did you actually believe she wouldn't be there?

When I entered the house,a strong smell of alcohol was there,but it wasn't something new for me.

"Look who finally decided to come home."

Oh no...

"What do you think you are?!"

"I..."

"Shut up!"

I never had her seen this drunk before.
But I know how to act,I did it many times now.

"I gave you everything i got and this is how you thank me?
You show up at this unholy hour and didn't do your work in the house?"

Oh crap...I forgot...

"I'm sorry,I will do everything tomorrow and..."

Her hand swung to my face and she hit me so hard,that I was staggering.
She had never hit me before...

"You're USELESS!You should be thankfull,that I gave you this life,a home and an opportunity to go to high school!
Why do I have YOU as my daughter!!"

She hit me again.It did hurt so fucking much.
I held my tears in,ran past her and locked myself in my small,crappy room.
I slipped down my door and sat there huddled.
I let my tears all out.
I was sure I wouldn't be able to cry today anymore but I was wrong...I was so fucking wrong.
I cried so much.
I didn't made it to the bed that night and fell asleep on the ground like usually.

This day was the worst of my life.

And I knew with this day I lost my game...

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Words:876

We'll meet again.

~Reality is an illusion~

See you soon,Catsy.