"We meet again"

29

       For the past month I've been noticing a lot of changes as well as others that are around me a lot. My doctor has been telling me to be easy on myself. I have been trying to do something with my self everyday instead of just staying in the house all day. Even though I'm super tired and I'm in pain sometimes, I still go out. Tyler's been on the road and back for hockey since they are officially in the playoffs and I couldn't be more excited for him and that team. I've been trying to go to the home games since I can't travel with the wags because I'm at that stage where it's not safe to go on a plane.
     I am in my 7th month of my pregnancy already, 26 weeks. It feels like it flew by so fast. I've gained a lot more weight, maybe 20 pounds, I have upset stomach, hot flashes, difficult breathing, everything's swelling up, I have difficulty sleeping, and everything else you can think of. When Tyler had a day off, we scheduled and appointment for a 3D ultrasound so we can see what our baby boy looks like. That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life. He looks just like Tyler because of his facial features and how his hair is. We are kind of falling behind because he'll be here sooner than we know it.We did have a baby shower and are blessed with all the stuff we had received but we still have to set up the stuff in the baby room and buy a lot of things still for him. We still are debating between names and things of that nature.

In the playoffs, the stars are playing the Edmonton Oilers and are up 2-1 now. He is very busy with practice, meetings, then games and going back in forth from here to Canada. It's tough on me because I'm pregnant and it just feels like I'm alone even though I want him to play and I'm super happy for him to be playing in the playoffs to race for the Stanley cup. I think they got a very good chance this year. If they beat the oilers then they will be heading on to play either the ducks or Blackhawks.
Right now, he is in Canada for the next two days so my brother decided to come down to visit me since they did not make it to the playoffs sadly. Brigitte had their 3rd child a few months ago and they all are very happy and healthy. I cannot believe my kid will have such a close cousin in age but I'm also sad he won't get to visit or hang out with either side of the family since were in different countries. At least we are supported and loved by the other people on the teams, they love close, and most of them have kids of their own so there will be lots to play with and he'll never be bored. I never thought of having a family this young or this way. I always thought as a little girl, I was going to marry a guy who was not an athlete especially a hockey player, and I thought i was going to have a kid, planned when I was about 30 after I had a house in Toronto with my husband and a stable job that I love.
Turns out, I got pregnant before I turned 25, I'm living in an apartment in Dallas, Texas, I am not married, not even engaged. I'm pregnant with a boyfriend that was not a planned pregnancy at all, and I do not have a job.
It's so crazy how life turns out am I right? But I do not regret anything that has happened in the past year or my lifetime. Everyone I know including myself cannot believe Tyler and I ended up together let alone we're having a kid.
I know Tyler is going to be an amazing father at the best of his abilities.

Our baby boy is going to be here soon. Sooner than we think. I'm so scared fir many reasons. Of course it's both of our first times being parents so I'm just very scared that we'll mess up and not know how to parent at all or we do everything all wrong. It's scary to be taking care of a little person who cannot walk, talk, eat on its own, or care for itself. I'm scared Tyler's going to leave me and leave me by myself with this small child like my father did to my mother. I always thought they were happy and so in love and I always wondered why he left when I was little. I had always thought it was because of me. Why has he never reached out to me, wanted to see how I am or look? He was put in jail and I still don't really know the real reason why. That was about 12 years ago and I never even asked where he was when I was just a little girl because I realized not to care.
I wonder to myself everyday up until now, where is he? Is he alive? Still in jail? Does he remember me? Does he ever think about me? How is he? What has he been doing for the past years of my life that he has missed?

I just don't want my life with Tyler to be broken apart. I would never think that would ever happen but I just keep thinking like that. Is it these pregnant hormones shooting through my brain or what.