I Fell In Love With A Sadist (GXG)

Our Rythm

Alexandra's pov

(2 days before the dance)

Dirty tissues, trust issues
Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you
Lonely pillows in a stranger's bed
Little voices in my head
Secret keeping, stop the bleeding
Lost a little weight because I wasn't eating
All the souls that I can't listen to, to tell the truth

[Chorus]
Loving you was young, and wild, and free
Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet
Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound
A steady place to let down my defenses
But loving you had consequences

[Verse 2]
Hesitation, awkward conversation
Running on low expectation
Every siren that I was ignoring
I'm paying for it

I kept strumming my guitar while I'm on the roof of my apartment. I play whenever I can, since I've been busy with school work and student work.

It's not just music, I feel alive, I feel at home.
I haven't talked to my therapist for a week now.and I've been secretly going since I've started to live in this apartment. I was born to please anyone, that I started to become less and less of a person that I am. Traumatized  and broken, and I can't even get a wink of sleep, I cant function anymore.

I don't want to have a breakdown when Georgina can see. I'm not comfortable yet for her to see me so vulnerable. I already had a breakdown at our first date.

Oh but how I want her to see who I am, to love my broken parts and the darkest parts of myself. To look at me with worth and not just a tool or someone who can give benefit.

[Chorus]
Loving you was young, and wild, and free
Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet
Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound
A steady place to let down my defenses
But loving you had consequences

[Bridge]
No, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Said no, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I, no, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, mhm

[Outro]
Loving you was dumb, dark, and cheap
Loving you will still take shots at me
From loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
And I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences
Loving you

I looked at the empty sky, it's starless and the moon is alone, shining brightly despite being alone.
I haven't talked to her for days now. I guess I'm avoiding her, thinking about what she would react if I had an actual breakdown infront of her.

But Damn I miss her. It irritates that every now and then she would invade my head.
And to think that she was the reason why I haven't been serious with anyone that I've been with.

Sighing I ran a hand on my guitar and whistled the same tune I'm playing just now.

Im standing in the same stage that I've been for the rest of my life, awarded by high academic in all subjects and sports
" Our very own student with the highest award in the International Student exam, Alexandra Mae Sophia Knight!!" The host announced, my eyes wandered at the crowed and saw my parents. My mother was standing, clapping her heart out, while my father remained seated and nodded at me when our eyes met. I sigh, I guess he wasn't satisfied, I got second on the score board.
Because I fell asleep last night while studying. Though I'm the highest in the Philippines but second worldwide. I guess he aimed for me to be on top.

I got a bunch of flowers and medals , all Girls in this school cheered like there's no tomorrow. Yet I can't make the person that I want to be proud, clap at my achivements.