"Okay, okay, Amy. Stop putting it off," You urge, mouth full of popcorn. "Answer the question. Fuck, marry, kill: Beyonce, your english professor, and the ugly guy you hooked up with last weekend."
"You're mean," Amy laughs, refilling her glass of wine, "Leave the poor boy alone, he wasn't that bad."
The two of you are spread in front of the television, getting drunk off pinot gris and Jake Gyllenhaal's chest. You were supposed to get dressed and party, but then the rain started pouring and sweatpants at home started sounding much more appealing.
A key clicks in the lock and Joji appears at the door in his new, god-awful green raincoat, looking surprised to see you.
"Hey, I thought you guys were going out?"
You shrug by way of answer, warily eyeing the coat as he hangs it up.
"We decided to get drunk in the comfort of your apartment instead," says Amy, "and bask in Jake Gyllenhaal's beauty."
Joji glances at the television just in time to see a shot of your most recent celebrity crush lounging shirtless. This guy again?
Joji gives you both a tight smile before heading off towards the bedroom. You know he's had a long day and isn't excited to see your loudest friend, drunk in his living room. You watch him leave before turning back to Amy, who's smirking.
"Pick! Make your decision!"
"Alright!" Amy throws her hands up, splashing some wine onto the armrest, which would drive Joji mad if he knew. "Kill the guy, fuck my professor, and marry Beyonce."
"Very wise choices, I approve." You reach for a slice of pizza.
"Okay, I have one," Amy's smile becomes smug. "Fuck, marry, kill: Joji, Ryan Gosling... and Alex."
"Amy!" You shriek. She giggles as you frown in concentration.
"Come on..." She grins, "Alex is hot!"
"Well duh, but you're the one with the crush on him, not me."
Joji emerges from the bedroom in sweatpants and a t-shirt, and goes into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. His plan is to get his drink and then make himself scarce till he can finally get some time alone with you. Then he hears what you say next.
"I'd marry Ryan Gosling, because of course-"
"You'd be a fool to pass up that opportunity," interjects Amy.
"That's right," You notice Joji out of the corner of your eye and you decide that some harmless teasing could be fun, "And I'd fuck Alex, so I guess I'd have to kill Joji."
Joji rolls his eyes and strides into the living area.
"You wouldn't fuck Alex," he protests.
You take a sip of wine and look at him from above the rim of the glass.
"If you and I weren't together, sure I would," You smile and Amy giggles again.
"Okay, I have another one for you," she says, "Joji, Obama, and Jake Gyllenhaal."
You put a finger to your lips. "Hmm... well I'd marry Obama."
Joji watches your face and knows what's coming next, yet he can't help but play into it. You bite into your pizza as you think, taking your time.
"And I'd fuck Jake. So I guess I'd have to kill Joji."
He speaks up immediately. "Are you serious? Obama is like, sixty! And this Jake Gyllenhaal..." He trails off, blinking at the tv again.
