Winter's Immortal (CWAC Book One)

Chapter 10: The Monster

Selene snatches at the Winter Soldier's wrist as he thrusts a punch towards her, she dodges the next one and rolls backwards off of the bed, he lunges for her and she flashes behind him.

"Bucky"

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

"Yeah...." she mumbles and runs to the door, she needs to get out of the tight enclosed space, he follows, launching himself at her, and into the door, which shatters and falls with the force, Bucky lands on top of Selene on the door and punches down, she turns her head out of the way and his metal fist hits the door.

"Selene!" she looks up to find Steve heading towards them.

"Steve" she shouts. "Evac the floor...."

"What?"

"Just do it" she dodges another fist. "I can take the hits...." she looks to Steve. "Just....evac those that can't" Steve looks from her to Bucky then back before running off. Selene wraps her legs around Bucky's waist and spins them both over, she grabs his wrists and pins them to the broken door beneath them. "Alright......" he glares up at her, struggling against her hold, but she's a vampire and plenty strong, she presses a knee to his chest. "This is what we are going to do.....you want to fight....fine, we can fight.....or.....you take a few deep breaths and calm down and we can talk....." he gets a hand free and punches her, Selene slumps backwards and touches her jaw, feeling it break back into place, she tests it before glaring at the soldier. "You broke my jaw......" she stands as he does. "Fight it is then" she rolls her shoulder as his arm whirls and launches at her, she slaps it away from her and spins out of the way, she wraps an arm around his neck and pulls his back to her chest. "You need to clear your mind" she whispers to him. "Clear it of everything........" he growls at her. "I'm not going to let go until you do so....." he struggles against her hold, only to find himself pretty stuck. He stops and slumps. "That's it....clear your mind..." she coos in his ear. "Stop fighting....just stop.......that's it....." he slumps against her a little. She doesn't give up her hold on him, it could be a trick. "Bucky?" she asks quietly.

"Yeah.....guessing by the Kung Fu grip you've got going on that I had an episode....." he glances over his shoulder at her. "Di....Did I hurt anyone?" he whispers, she shakes her head.

"No....I kept you contained....." Bucky hangs his head.

"I thought I was past them..." she lets him go and Bucky turns to sit across from her.

"It won't ever go away, Bucky" she tells him, he looks to her. "It will always be there, you could go...months....years between episodes....but for the rest of your life they will stay with you" she tells him softly. "Thinking they will go away.......Bucky, that won't work...."

"Do you.....do you ever....?"

"I was never...programmed the way you were....but I have moments...moments when it hits me....the things I've done....the people I've hurt....even the Lycans I have killed....yeah it gets to me" she looks to him softly. "I sleep" she tells him. "I dream.....I have nightmares....sometimes I dream of the night my family was slaughtered....sometimes I dream of the things I did whilst under Hydra's thumb......." Bucky looks to her softly, understanding. "And I'm here to tell you that you can run and run and run from those dreams, those memories......but they will haunt you till the end of time....accept it...accept that part of you that is....a monster....and it will get easier......fight it...and it will get worse"

"Is that what you did?" he asks. "Accepted the...monster?"

"I am the monster, Bucky...before Hydra that is what I was....that is what I am..." Bucky looks to her sharply.

"You are not a monster" he tells her. She scoffs.

"You do know that I suck blood to survive....that I have killed more people than you just to survive....to live"

"To survive" he states. "A lion kills an antelope to eat....to survive"

"And I am the lion?" she asks,.

"Yes" he tells her. "You don't kill for....fun" he sneers.

"Neither do you" she tells him. "Even the Winter Soldier...that was what he was told to do....not for fun...." Bucky looks away. "You are NOT a monster" she tells him.

"I'll stop thinking that if you do" she smirks at him. Bucky smirks back.