swingsets and dance routines ; tyrus

chapter #4: late night phone calls

Cyrus loved his mom and his step-dad, he really did, but it was times like these that he remembered why he was so far in the closet.

It was evening now and he had just finished dinner with all four of his parents, celebrating a promotion his dad had gotten at the clinic. It was rare that the bottles of wine they stored were ever broken out, but on this particular occasion they were.

It was dark out, with warm light flooding the living room as the fireplace crackled and they all settled down on the couches, conversing amongst themselves.

It started out innocent enough.

"So Cyrus, you're still with that girl right? Iris?" his step-dad questioned, the effects of the wine apparent almost immediately in his slow speech.

Cyrus, who was sat on a recliner by himself, shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah," he responded, feeling so trapped by the lie he didn't know what else to say.

"Still going strong - I'm glad," he said.

Cyrus nodded, feeling a very familiar sense of dread in the pit of his stomach. "Still going strong," he confirmed with a forced smile.

"You know," he began, hiccupping slightly. "For a few months there I was worried you might've been gay or something."

Cyrus took a deep breath. He's drunk, he doesn't mean it. He's drunk, he doesn't mean it, he's drunk, he doesn't-

"Now Michael," his mom reprimanded. "That's not a very good thing to say."

Her tone was half-hearted, and Cyrus had become so used to it he couldn't bring himself to be disappointed. He knew for a fact that his mom wasn't homophobic, but she usually wasn't quick to shut down his step-dad's comments either. It always made him wonder what they would do if he ever were to came out as gay.

His dad must've noticed the look on Cyrus' face, because he pointedly set his drink down. "I'd love Cyrus no matter what personally, I'm sure you could all say the same-"

"It was a joke!" his step-dad interrupted with a laugh. "You guys take yourselves way too seriously sometimes."

Cyrus sank down in his chair. His step-dad wasn't aggressively homophobic by any means, but his anxieties about coming out to him never failed to keep him awake at night anyway.

It wasn't violence in particular that he was scared of; it was the idea of having to be begrudgingly accepted, or just tolerated at best. Being seen as something that 'could've been', but wasn't, something hidden away at family gatherings. One of the last things he wanted to be was a disappointment, especially to any of his parents.

"Is it okay if I go up to my room now? I have a bit of a headache," he said quietly, rising from his chair.

His dad nodded, giving him one last kind smile as he retreated upstairs to his room.

He turned his desk-lamp on and drew the curtains shut, throwing himself onto the bed with a groan and grabbing his phone.

the ghc <3

Cyrus: Hey, are you guys there?
Cyrus: Either of you?

After 10 minutes he still hadn't gotten a response, so he could only assume that his friends had fallen asleep. He scrolled through his contacts for a few moments, searching for anyone that could ground him even slightly.

Cyrus instantly stopped when he saw TJ's name, his heart skipping a beat. He thought back to that day, and how comfortable he had felt with TJ there, making him laugh at the most ridiculous things and rambling to him about items at an antique store. He hesitated for a moment longer, his finger hovering over the call button, before taking a deep breath and tapping on it.

It rang once. Then twice. Then three times. Then-

"Hello?"

For some reason, he felt himself relax slightly.

"TJ," he breathed out, barely even thinking about how strange this must've been for the other boy.

"You okay?"

Cyrus laughed dryly at that, toying with his bed covers while he thought about how to respond.

"I think so. I just kinda needed to hear someone's voice."

"Oh..." TJ trailed off, clearly knowing there was more to it than that. "Well that's okay! Anything you wanna talk about in particular?"

"Did you have history today?" Cyrus asked him, manoeuvring himself so that he was laying down on his stomach, propped up on his elbows.

"Yeah, actually. Why?"

"Wanna tell me about it?"

Cyrus could practically hear TJ's smile at that.

"Sure," the boy responded, and then he was off, telling Cyrus everything they had learnt about World War 2 that day.

Cyrus clung onto every word, eventually relaxing almost entirely as TJ's voice rang out through the room. There were times when he wanted nothing more than to talk through the things he was feeling, but there were other times, like this one, where he just desperately needed some sort of distraction.

This distraction just happened to come in the form of a cute boy who was secretly a major history nerd, and Cyrus couldn't be more grateful.