INTO MY WORLD (ENG.VER) - [FF EXO]

Chapter 9

Baekhyun

    Eyes closed, breathing even – time seems to have stopped since Sun Hyang fell asleep. I let my fingers brush inside her hair, over her face. I seize the moment because, for once, she's not running away from me.

A loving smile etches itself onto my lips, and the more time goes by, the more I feel myself falling. I try not to show it, but every time she slips from my fingers after we've just gotten closer – every time she rejects me – my heart squeezes, and it hurts: I need to feel her close to me.

At first, I thought I was dealing with a lost kitten afraid of men, without any experience, persistently running away in childish apprehension. But the energy and the tension, the strength I was able to witness in her, in those rare instances where she truly let herself go, showed me how wrong I'd been: this wasn't a kitten, but a cheetah – wild, independent, who won't let anyone tame her – miles away from childish.

I lower myself to my heels, head level with hers. Her warm breath strokes my face gently. Why would I want to change that, any of it? I don't. I love this freedom and this force she holds inside her, I have no wish to tame her, I just want her to let me into her world. But she doesn't seem to be quite ready for that yet. On the contrary, she seems to be fighting tooth and nail against me and my attempts at getting closer. Sun Hyang doesn't want to let me be her friend. But let's be clear, I don't want to be just her friend. I want to mean more than this, so much more. As selfish as it may sound, I want her all to me, I want to be the only one she thinks about.

I'm clearly not in a right state of mind, I know that, but I'm also aware it's just a step to cross. That's what I'm hoping for, because I'm at a point where if it wasn't to shoot at him and throw him in jail, I'd be jealous of the guy we're tracking.

I laugh at my own thoughts, and it comes out a little grimly:

"Look at you, you fool. Chanyeol would make good fun out of you, and he'd be well right to."

Chanyeol, Jongdae, Kyungsoo, Sehun, Minseok, Junmyeon, Jongin, Yixing: I miss them all so much. I've had no news from them, not a single one. I hope they're doing alright, that they're not too freaked out about me, but I know them too well for that, they're probably worried sick: Junmyeon doesn't show it, even if he'd like to, in order to take care of Sehun, probably the most concerned of them all. Sehun may have broad shoulders, but our maknae isn't a hyung... They must be doing all they can to comfort him – him, and Jongin. I can perfectly picture Jongdae and Chanyeol joking around to relieve everybody from the tension, Yixing giving hugs to anyone in need. Minseok and Kyungsoo would be more discreet, even if all as troubled. I can't help but wish I could hold them right now. I'm good with Sun Hyang, I have no intention to leave her, but I'd rather get rid of the gun firing and car chases. Dodging death doesn't really find its place in the handbook to falling in love.

Falling in love... Is that what's going on? Yes, without a doubt.

I'm not allowed to fall in love. SM forbids it under normal circumstances. But nothing about our condition is remotely normal, and the woman in question is anything but commonplace. The rules don't apply to Sun Hyang, and anyway: it's too late for me to give up and reason myself now.

The problem is that SM isn't my main obstacle. The main obstacle is Sun Hyang herself. Her, and her fear. What is she afraid of? I don't know, but I'm sure that's what she's trying to hide beneath all this anger.

My fingertips press against the plumpness of her lips, gently. I'm not going to get closer, I mustn't forget Sun Hyang is a secret agent, and that if she finds out I've approached her too closely, I'll get killed before I can make her fall in love with me. Because that's my goal. She's on a mission, but I am too. And my target is completely different.