Arsonist's Lullabye

Chapter Two: Lost Time

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Lost Time

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I could feel the wind on my face cold and unbearing. I stood there waiting for Tabby outside the bus depot. For some reason, The warm cozy seats peering at me through the musky bus depot window was not appealing to me nor did I feel comfort in wanting to go inside. I enjoyed the cold air as I stood there thinking about what was to come. Minutes passed and the car that I assumed was my cousins drove past me and stopped abruptly as if she had not seen me until that second. She still drove her old Red Oldsmobile from forever ago. 

I instantly acknowledged that it was indeed her and grabbed my suitcase and darted for the red tarnished car. I flung the passenger's side door open and scooted my cold stiff body into the Grey stained seat. Hello, "How are you?' Tabby turned slightly towards the passenger's seat as she spoke softly. "I'm fine," I said in a monotone voice as if I was not the one speaking those two words. "I'm so glad your here" Tabby announced as if she was the happiest girl alive. I often cringe at her giddiness but kept a straight face and replied, "Me too". The drive from the bus depot was just like any other nothing seemed off or different. The silence in the car made me think of the silence inside my apartment. I was alone most of the time since Cate was barely there. This silence seemed similar. Alone, I felt even though I had enjoyed the presence of my cousin Tabby, Alone was the only word I could think of to describe it. We traveled for some time and occasionally she would look over at me and smile, Finally, I felt at peace to go over my memories that I had just uncovered on the bus ride here.

Tabby stopped looking over at me and that was my chance to go deep into my own thoughts and try to make sense of these memories. I shifted my body more towards my window on my right side, Staring out the window at the passing scenery I remembered seeing my grandmother there that night of the fire. My grandmother told me I was staying the night at her house that night. How could I have these memories of being there and seeing my grandmother there? Was my mind making these memories up to deal with the stress of returning home? I could remember the flames bursting out the front door as my Grandmother stood there in front of me watching the house melt away.

She was serene and standing still as I peered at her through some small bushes. I could feel the bushes scraping my cheeks as I frantically tried to watch what was happening. Then as soon as that memory was actively vivid, I could hear the car horn honking and roaring. I quickly lost all thoughts on the recovered memory and darted my eyes to the car's dashboard then quickly to the dirty windshield. Tabby was honking the horn at some big commercial truck trying to get over in front of her. The car swooshed in the cold air and felt weightless as she quickly steered us to the left side of the road and then back to where we needed to be. I could hear her whisper under her breath, "Asshole". I gleamed at her and she assumed she knew what I was thinking. In honesty, it should have been what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking "damn that was close", I wasn't even thinking anything of the sorts, But Tabby assumed that I was. My mind was preoccupied somewhere else. Somewhere I dreaded being, Inside my own head.

The mood changed as the old car barreled down the foggy highway. I felt the need to ask her about Grandma but hesitated and just blurted out "I'm so glad that your driving and not me!" We both laughed and Tabby continued to chuckle and responded: "Yeah, My ninja driving skills are tip top these days". We both were smiling in the car with a gleam of happiness on our face as we drove closer to the neighborhood that we both knew so well. My grandmother lived right in the neighborhood entry and a few houses down was where my parents had planned to live and raise me. Tabby's house was further down the street hidden behind an old Oakwood tree in a small bungalow townhouse. The car roared around the corner and I could see my Grandmothers beautiful bungalow cottage that she was so proud of sitting right there in front of me untouched and abandoned. The house seemed to be uninviting and not torched or burned in any way. As soon as my brain acknowledged that the house was not in a fire I quickly turn and blurt out to Tabby, "I thought there was a fire?" Tabby straightened in her seat and clenched the steering wheel tighter and leaned in towards me, "I never said it was a home fire Amber." Tabby was completely emotionless and empty looking as she shifted and returned to focusing on the road ahead.

I could feel her emotionless words echo inside my head. The thought made me shiver and I couldn't help myself and angrily said: "Then what happened Tabitha?" I found myself upset with not knowing the truth. Tabby sat there in a moment of silence then spoke calmly, "We will talk about this after you settle in". I felt like screaming inside and I could feel my body begin to shake with anger. I shook my head away from her gleaming eyes and felt lied to. I was so caught up in our conversation that I missed my old house and didn't even realize it until I recognized Tabby's house. After the car stopped in her dusty dirt filled driveway with broken scattered rocks surrounding it, I argued with myself, Maybe she didn't feel the location of the fire was important. I just wanted to feel some foundation of truth right now and the only person I have left is misguiding me. Was I overreacting? Was I the only person that cared where the fire happened, Was this connected to my obsession with what happened to my parents? I calmed my thoughts and let out a sigh and flung the old car door open and gathered my things and shoved the spiraling thoughts aside.

Tabby's townhouse smelled like cats and dust. We walked into her living room and she motioned for me to come upstairs with her. She pushed a small bedroom door open and stood there quietly before saying, "You can stay here" Amber. I said "thanks" and walked into the small room brushing up against her slightly as I made my way into the cold eerie room. Tabby looked at me as I placed my belongings onto the nicely made bed. She grabbed the doorknob quickly and paused for a moment before she shut the door she said, "Welcome back, Amber". I stood there alone and couldn't help but to think our relationship has grown kinda cold, She wasn't quite the same Tabby I grew up with. She seemed unsympathetic and less approachable. I shrugged off the creepy way she just left things and wondered what time it was. I could see the orangish-pink colored sky outside the light blue curtains that draped around the small window, Suddenly a weird cat clock on the wall caught my eye. If the clock was right, It was 7:34 P.M. I noticed that there was a bathroom down the hall, I decided to shower and call it a night. I didn't feel Tabby was in the mood to socialize and assumed she was done for the night. So much for dinner, I thought as I slipped into the old shower tub. I wasn't in the mood to eat anyways. The warm water took a moment to warm up and felt really good on my muscles. 

I could hear Tabby shuffling around downstairs through the vent in the bathroom. I felt uncomfortable and quickly thought about staying at my Grandmothers house tomorrow night or possibly a hotel. Tabby did say we would talk about everything once I got settled in. I finished my short shower and decided to go downstairs and confront her and demand some sort of answers. I put on my pajamas and towel dried my hair quickly so it wasn't dripping wet and took in a deep breath and headed down the narrow staircase. Tabby was in the kitchen and I approached slowly and said, "Hey". Tabby turned around and I could see a big chopping knife in her hand, I felt fear for some reason and stopped moving closer towards her. Tabby noticed my emotion and lowered the knife down by her side. I quickly noticed she was chopping onions, Such a strange thing to do I thought as Tabby interrupted my thoughts. Tabby raised her head slightly and said: "Sorry, I have been really emotional lately since Grandma died". Yeah, Me too, I said quietly. So what happened Tabby? I said as I shifted my weight from one side to the other. Tabby began to look uncomfortable and slammed the knife down on the counter. I felt her emotion come out as she started crying. "Grandma was the only person I had left" she sobbed out loud. "It's ok", I said as I went in to comfort her. I placed my arms around her and said it's no one's fault I'm sure.

Tabby squeals out with her high pitched voice, "Grandma died in a car accident, Amber!". I was supposed to take her to the grocery store that morning, She said she wasn't feeling well, I said I would drive her. Tabby catches her breath and motions for me to stop hugging her. Tabby continues crying and says, "The car ran off the road and hit a tree and caught fire!" "Oh my gosh", I say out loud to her as she steps away from me. "I'm so sorry Tabby", My words were filled with compassion and sorrow. This was an accident I thought to myself and I felt a small relief escape my mind as this wasn't connected to my parent's death in any way. We stood in the kitchen and sobbed for a moment together and that's the last thing I remember when I woke up in the small bedroom upstairs. I could see the shadow of the cat clock and the numbers lighting up in the dark, It was 3:46 A.M. I felt groggy and I could tell my eyes were puffy from crying. I nodded off back to sleep and didn't think twice about the lost time that I could not remember from earlier that night in the kitchen.

Tabby creaked open the door to the guest bedroom slightly just enough for light to seep in, She leaned in slowly and peeked in at the newly arrived guest and exposed an evil devious grin as she put her prescription sleeping pills into her front jacket pocket.