j a k e
I feel heavy.
My eyelids are weights, arms stiff and body sinking into the surface underneath me like a rock in the water. My mind is weighed down with dread- though I'm not too sure why- and my whole essence just feels so... well, heavy.
The next thing that occurs to me is the numbness that is spread through my body. I can feel it seep into my bones, leaving me emotionless and unresponsive. I try to move my head, but my brain must be numb to my commands, because I feel myself stay still. I want to talk, to move, to feel myself breathe, but right now, I feel dead. I'm laying still, engulfed in an uncomfortable darkness that leaves me frightened and trapped. Cornered is a good way to describe it, too, because it's almost as if the darkness is rendering me prisoner, not allowing me to leave its vice grip.
Exhaustion soon makes its presence known. The heavy feeling turns into one of mind boggling exhaustion that makes me want to sink deeper onto whatever I'm laying on and sleep for ages. I feel a sigh escape my mouth, content as my sense of touch begins to return to me, allowing me to relish the feel of blissful blankets and pillow strewn around me. As soon as touch returns, hearing does too, and suddenly, sleep isn't an option anymore.
The sound of broken, shameless sobbing is erupting beside me, on my right. I try to move my head towards the noise and tell the person to stop crying because I'm tired, but my body still feels like a ton, weighed down by exhaustion. The sobbing doesn't cease; in fact, it seems by every passing second, they just get worse.
They sound so heartbroken, the urge to turn over and slap the person letting out the sobs ceases, and is replaced by one that feels the need to turn over and give them a hug. A dip is felt in the mattress I'm laying on, as if they person has placed their elbows on the bed to bury their face in their hands.
Finally, finally, I work up the strength to turn my head. The sense of smell hits me like a brick; the scent of medicine is strong. The smell is familiar; I've been to the hospital more than once. My eyelids still feel like cement, but with all the remaining energy I have left, I force my eyes open.
My vision takes a good couple of minutes to clear, but finally, I croak out, "Grayson?"
The person who's sobbing by my side lifts his head in an instant, eyes wide and red. Grayson looks horrible; bags under his bloodshot eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks and hands shaking. My head is pounding, and I can barely move, but I force myself to stay awake.
"Jake," Grayson says, his voice cracking. He wipes his tears. "Shit, Jake- I mean, you're... you're awake."
I nod slowly.
"Should I get a nurse?" Grayson asks. "George and Kate are right outside." Grayson wipes the tears that are still falling. "Crap, no one was supposed to see me crying."
"Not the first time," I mumble, voice slurred from sleepiness. "Still remember you crying over your lost toy in grade three."
"Blue Bear meant a lot to me," Grayson laughs through a sob. "I can't believe you still remember that."
I smile slightly, feeling a little more awake now that I've begun to talk. "Hard to forget. I still laugh at it."
Grayson laughs again, although it's wet and broken. I tilt my head slighlty. "Why were you crying?"
Grayson gives me a weird look. "You're in a hospital bed," he points out. "I think I have a right."
I narrow my eyebrows at him, shifting my position slightly now that I've gathered the energy. I know Grayson better than that; me being hospitalized isn't the only reason he's crying. I shake my head. "That's not the only reason."
