Four Realizations

chapter twenty eight: exhale

j a k e

I'm not sure what I was expecting to happen when Cleo came over, but it certainly wasn't for her to hug me so tightly my ribs feel like caving before I can even say hi.

"I'm sorry," she tells me. The words spill out of her mouth repeatedly, refusing to cease as her grip on me tightens. My body relaxes into her familiar embrace, and I hug her back, fingers lightly holding onto the warm fabric of her shirt.

"What're you sorry for?" I mumble into her shoulder, trying to avoid the way my hands have started shaking or the hot wind against our skin or the pure relief that's flooded my body just from the sight of her. It's been too long.

"For leaving," she says, pulling away. Her eyes are wide and filling with tears. "I should have been here for you, Jake. You were going through such a hard time and I just... broke down. It stressed me out. But that's not an excuse."

"It's okay, Cleo," I reassure. "Honestly? I think I didn't have the energy to deal with anyone ever since that. It's okay if you didn't come by, or call, or even check in..." I close my eyes. "Okay, so maybe it hurt a little. But I get it. I didn't want to stress you out. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry." Cleo sucks in a deep breath, pulling away from me for a moment just to put rest her forehead on my shoulder and play with the hem of my shirt with her fingers. She squeezes the fabric in between her fingers until they turn white, only then letting go. "I love you. I'm sorry. I'll be here from now on, I promise."

"It's okay, I believe you."

I probably should be more angry at Cleo. She had just left when I needed her the most. Which is, funnily enough, exactly what my mother had done. But I don't have it in me to be angry. Hating Cleo would be so much work. It would be so much effort. I don't want to deal with that right now. So I settle for wrapping my arms tightly around her, my hands falling in between her shoulder blades to get a tighter grip on her. She does the same, her hands tracing the outline of my spine, sending shivers through my body.

"How are you?" she asks, grip on me feeling like it wasn't planning on loosening anytime soon. I feel too exposed standing outside on my front lawn, so lead us inside the house. Cleo gives George a hesitant wave, as if afraid that George would be mad too, but he just smiles and waves back. I lead Cleo to my room, closing the door softly behind me.

"I'm okay," I tell her, sitting down beside her on the edge of the bed. I take her hand in mine, flipping over her palm and feeling the grooves against my thumb as I traced the skin. "Really, I'm doing better. Are you alright?"

"I'm okay, Jake," she says, her voice barely a breathily whisper. "That tickles."

I laugh in the same breathily way. "Yeah?" I continue to trace the lines of her palm, and move my way to her wrist, fingers hovering over the veins. I look up and meet her big, dark brown eyes, which are staring at me in anticipation. I lean in and kiss her softly. I've missed this way too much.

Cleo acts fast and deepens the kiss, pull her hand away so she can rest it on my waist. I gently pull away from the kiss, kissing the corner of her eyes, and then resting my lips on her forehead. Quietly, I say, "I'm tired, Cleo."

Cleo gives me a small smile. "Then sleep."

I fall back against the cushions of my bed and gather Cleo in my arms, making her laugh as she falls back against me. I lazily wrap my arm around her waist and bury my face in her hair, inhaling the soft scent of citrus shampoo. Cleo's hand plays with mine, and soon enough, I'm drifting to sleep, feeling a weight lift from my shoulders.

x

When I wake up, Cleo isn't there, and I feel a lot colder with her body to hold or her hair to bury my face in. I sigh, grabbing a pillow from the floor and trying to make the warmth come back by snuggling up to that, but it doesn't do much. I reach for my phone in my pocket, and see a text from Cleo: You were snoring so I left. Jk, I had to go, but hope you sleep well, even if it's without me (':