I had the most terrible sleep last night. I didn't really sleep at all. But Ashton was right, Luke did come in and check on me, so it was lucky I got to bed when I did. I let go of the teddy bear that had stared relentlessly at me that night and reached over towards my phone. 5:36. I may as well get up. I'm not getting any more sleep tonight.
I crawled out of bed and turned to pull my blankets up, when I started thinking that I should take a look around my room later and find my things for when my time comes...
It was an alright day. Overcast and slightly humid.
I got changed into a pokemon outfit and wrote a little reminder on a post-it note, and stuck it on my wall.
"Remember to watch Pokemon!.... :P"
Everyone else was asleep when I got up so I silently began my endeavour to the dining room. That was until I got to Ashton's door.
There was something about it, not really anything I could ever explain, But basically, all I wanted to do was kick it open and stroll in there like I owned the place.
I quietly knocked and entered, feeling mouse-like.
He wasn't in there, and I felt incredibly intrusive. I wanted to look around, but I also wanted to eat...
I left his room.
I made my way into the dining area when.
"ooph"
I smacked face-chest into Ashton himself.
Standing over me I got a slightly uneasy feeling, one that was soon replaced with a warm one as he offered me his hand up, with a crooked smile that was way too adorable for him.
He helped me up, and pulled me into him, while I was in that weird "I'm up but I'm not balanced" kind of set with my feet.
As I hugged him back I whispered " whats with the hug?"
And he shrugged, and let me go.
Over breakfast he and I discussed the plans of the day. We were going to see a film, although I was excited, I was also extremely cautious and unfocused. I wanted to know something and it had been bugging me since I woke up.
"Anyway." he concluded, "You look like you need a good coffee..."
And then there was Luke.
He walked into the open plan room groggily, and seeing who was up made him more awake. So I ran over and gave him a good morning hug. Which seemed to have completely erased any memory of Ashton and I ever being alone in a room together.
Around 10 ish everyone was up and ready to go. Honestly I don't remember much of what happened from the moment we left the house.
Basically, we arrived, someone else paid for my ticket, we sat down and about an hour later, it was over. I can't even give any details as to what it was about. I mayy have blacked out during the film, I don't know.
When we left, my question from that morning was still tugging on the edge of my brain, tickling the tip of my tongue. I wanted to wait longer before I asked, but I couldn't. It wasn't until then, when Luke and the others were about a foot in front of me asking if I was ok, that I realised I'd stopped.
He walked over and held my shoulders.
"Day, what's wrong? Are you ok?"
I couldn't hold it back, and the look on his face after I asked made me wish I could have held it in longer, even if it had just been enough to get out the door.
Honestly though the words just kind of blurted themselves out.
Sentence structure in my head: "Can I just ask something? It's been bugging me, and it's kinda important.."
Sentence structure in reality: "Where's my mum?"
That got everyones attention
Honestly, I mentioned it before and I'll say it again. His face changed so fast.
It went straight from concern to sadness, hate and anger.
In all honestly that face was in every sense of the word.
Terrifying.
"No." Is all he said. Like this was another thing he was determined to leave in everyones past.
"What?! NO!! I'M NOT LETTING THIS GO!!"
"Dailah," Callum came in and interjected, "Please, can we just talk about this at home? If he doesn't tell you I will"
I trusted Callum, no clue why. But he made me feel sure of myself, and anything he says I know is truth. No Idea Why.
And with that we all left, not another word spoken.
Even the ride home was painfully quiet, with me sitting in the backseat between Mikey and Cal, leaning on Mikes shoulder like a pillow. I was already begining to feel exhausted. I think he pittied me. Luke was in the passenger seat, sitting rather rigidly. Out of everyone I only managed to make eye-contact with Ash in the rearveiw, and even that was occasional.
I strolled through the front door unsure of whether I was going to be pissed or emotional or a mixture of both or an emotion that was completely unexpected.
Turns out I was pissed.
"Ok Luke, what the Fuck is going on?"
"Day just calm down"
"Excuse me Callum I wasn't talking to you"
He started talking up, and sounded just about as pissed as I was. "What are you getting so worked up about?!"
"Oh you don't know?!"
"Look-"
"NO. YOU LOOK. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MOTHER?"
Mikey and Callum left here and I don't blame them, Video games are a better thing to get engaged in than this arguement. Ashton hadn't left, which I was secretly grateful for because as soon as I cracked, and I was sure I would, I needed him there to be strong for me.
"Day..." Luke said, hand on his forehead like he was giving up. He was giving up and I was begining to get tired of this conversation.
"Luke. Where is she? Why isn't she here? Why didn't she visit me in hospital? Why haven't I heard from her since I woke up in hospital those few days ago? Where is she?"
And I cracked. The tears I didn't know were forming all started rolling down my cheeks, Ash came up and hugged me from behind, and I sank into him a little.
Honestly today was going terribly and I knew it was only going to get worse.
And it did.
Starting from when he didn't say anything and instead sat down at the large mahogany table. I began to fear the worse.
"Day, she's not dead if that's what you're thinking."
"Then what Luke?" I said breaking free of Ashtons embrace.
"You never really- It's just she-"
I saw him fumbling around with his phone.
"Give it" I demanded.
It was obvious that he really didn't want me to, and I knew he was just trying to protect me, but I had to. I just had to. He handed over the phone, a number already punched in, waiting for me to press call.
"Day.." I felt a hand on my shoulder and I froze. I glanced over my shoulder at Ashton. He looked concerned.
I gave a slight smile and pressed call. I had to.
After a few rings someone picked up.
"Hello?"
"Mum?"
