Sinking

Diseased

I hate it. I hate depression. It eats you alive until you are merely just flesh and bones. It drives you to the point of insanity until there is nothing left, until you think the only way it can get better is ending it. It tells you all these negative horrible things making you hate yourself even more if that was possible. I hate myself so fucking much I don't think I can even  add more to my hatred. Wanna know why I cut. Everything. That's the answer. It's the shit people say and it just sparks something. Or the shit people do. Beat. Rape. Bully. It can be more or less but my point is. It suck life fucking sucks and that's the hard reality. It gets so hard where your chest is so heavy you can't even breath and at times like those you truly give up. You lose hope. Depression is a disease. It gives you false hope that it's getting better but then it doesn't. It's a monster. The monster feeds off of your fear and stress and energy just basically everything that makes you, you. Then it backs off to grow and then comes back and every time it gets stronger and stronger until it's taken over. You loose all hope and motivation. You have no energy to move. You don't even wanna take a shower or eat. All you wanna do is just take a break because it's all become to much. People don't understand and it makes you feel way more alone and then you think no one cares. You think that because you grow distant and things change you aren't as close or they themselves are the people that don't understand. You loose interest in the things you love and suddenly you don't love it anymore and it just doesn't make you happy anymore and you feel yourself losing hope and drowning. Because you start asking yourself "Why can't I be happy?" You start comparing yourself to others and you start hating yourself because you don't look like them or you wanna be pretty or skinny. Everything just because overwhelming. So overwhelming.