Safar Zindagi Ka

Chapter 1 - Safe house

"Mama kehti hai ek stranger ki gaari mein kabhi mat jana par aaj to yeh bhi karna paraha hai," I whispered to myself and shook my head in disappointment as I stepped into the car and fastened my seatbelt.

"Did you say something?" she asked. "I thought I heard something."

"No no, I was just talking to myself," I replied with a smile. "I have the tendency to daydream and talk to myself, don't mind me."

"Are you scared?" she asked. "I know I don't have a really good English accent so I hope you can understand me anyhow."

"Your accent is fine," I replied. "I'm scared to be honest since I'm in a foreign country, all alone by myself."

An awkward silence filled the car and  I broke the silence by asking her where we were going.

"To a home, where you'll be safe," she answered. "Protected."

She started the engine and before we knew, we were traveling towards highways, past fields and farms.

I wander off daydreaming from where it began. Why I have to be here, why I have to leave my aunt, everyone.

Why? Kaash mama mujhe saath le gaye hote. Kya mein unki beti nai hoon?

Kahan phas gayi hoon!

I couldn't stop thinking negative after what I've been through. But it's not how I am, I told myself.

The ride was long and the sound from the engine was making my eyes droopy. I was tired of fighting the sleep that was consuming me, so I gave in.

I woke up when the car suddenly stopped moving. I heard the sound of engine being cut off. I quickly prayed to Allah to help me and guide me.

"We're here, you don't have to be afraid. Everything will be okay. You have your small backpack with you right? Come, let's get your suitcase out of the backseat and then you can carry the other bag with you," she beamed.

I slung my backpack on my shoulder and nodded. I couldn't utter a word because if I did, I would've cried a river and drowned myself in it.

I opened the car door and stepped outside. I felt a strong, cold breeze of the wind hitting my body. I felt numbness throughout my body. I was led to the back of the car. While she was getting my suitcase and my hiking bag - yes, a hiking bag.

What? That was the only bag I could find, big enough to fit everything. I'm a girl after all. We can never have enough clothes.

I looked around to find myself staring at the forest in particular. I find it strange as to why we are here, to a house almost in the middle of a forest, isolated.

I followed Lottie to a big two storey building. I feel the jitters catching up to me when I saw a woman around the age of 40, outside smoking. As soon as she saw us, she threw the cigarette butt on the ground in the mud and walked towards us.

She introduced herself as Karin to me. She made a motion towards me with her hand to follow her. When I walked in, there were eight girls sitting on the couch who greeted me with a smile. Karin signaled the girls towards me and said something in Dutch.

"I told them that your going to be staying here for a while," she translated. "As their housemate."

The term housemate, made me shiver while my tears threatened to fall. Lottie lightly touched my shoulders and rubbed them in a comforting manner.
I closed my eyes to stop my tears and tried to control my emotions as I greet each of them with a smile.

Before they could say anything, Karin ushered us into a room, I'm guessing it's their office. There were two computers on two tables opposite each other, two big metal cupboard with files. I saw a paper with my picture on the table, written in Dutch.

I forgot about them quickly when Karin started talking in this weird language. I found in quite funny to be honest. But I didn't understand a word of it.

"Haya, Lottie has to go so why don't you say goodbye to her," explained Karin. "Go on. Don't worry, she'll come visit you."

I stood up, and closed our distance by giving her a hug. She wasn't expecting it, I guess. She held me close and hugged me as if it's our last time and left.

Anna, another "mentor" as they called it in Dutch, took me to the second storey of the house and showed me my room. To my left, was a toilet and to my right, were other rooms. There were marked with numbers. I had 2.

She left me to myself and I did the one thing I was dying to do, cry.

I cried for my mother...
I cried for my father...
I cried for my brother...

I cried for the situation I was in, without my mom, dad and my brother, all alone.

Aap ne humein humaare dad aur bhai se saath saal pehle hi door kardiya tha woh kafi nai tha?!
Humein pata hai woh dad ka faisla tha England shift hone ka par kise pata tha saath saal tak hum log door rahenge.

Na dad aasakte thae, na mein aur amee unke paas jasakte thae. Why is Allah punishing our family? Kya gunnah hai humaara? Kyun saza mil rai hai mujhe?

I'm grateful that Mom is now with Dad and Bhai but what about me? Mujhe ab tak kyun saza milrahi hai?

Kyun ya allah? Kyun!?

All these questions were mocking me and making my head hurt. So I did what I do best, cried myself to sleep.