Your Point of View
I found myself staring at the ceiling inside the cell they locked me in.
I've been stuck here for almost a week. I did nothing but lay on the bed with my hands cuffed. I am not allowed to change my clothes as well, or even tie my hair in a braid which is really cruel and annoying.
Erwin told me that the Police must arrest me for destroying and wrecking the whole city, and of course because I actually was a titan.
He also said that it was his whole plan, though, so all the blame won't be placed on me which really concerned me, because I might end up being in here forever. Or the worst, might end up dying. The trial will occur tomorrow, though. I can finally get out of this jail after a long wait.
I don't know why I keep moving, though.
Until now, I feel so devastated.
To be honest, I really hate the fact of being saved by someone again and again just because I was helpless, and I wasn't competitive enough. I despise that kind of treatment for one reason: I don't fucking deserve it.
I want to cry, I want to show everyone how fragile and needy I was. But at the same time, I can't. I am tired of seeing people dying instead of me. I want to show them that I can also fight. I want to show them that I am not just some dumb, pathetic girl.
That was the reason why I became a criminal in the first place. It's because I want them to see that I can survive on my own and be independent.
And now, I grew up stronger and better...but those strength and growth weren't enough for me to defend the people I love, the people I care about.
Mom...and now, Eric.
I can't accept it. I mean, why?
Why am I always the one who needs to be saved? Why do miracles always happen to keep me alive?
Everything's just unfair. Seeing your love ones die in your arms are more painful than your own death. It's like suffering from a million backstabs.
What now? Is there still a concrete reason for me to continue living?
My parents are gone. Annie already abandoned me. Kenny didn't find me. Ilse was eaten by a Titan. Eric is dead.
Now tell me...what else will keep me go on and live this pointless life of mine?
Absolutely nothing.
Even if Erwin and the Survey Corps would manage to get me out of here, they'll probably only use me as their weapon to fight against the enemy.
They'll just use me, that is why they're saving me from here. Right.
That's what their goal from the very start, wasn't that? For me to join them, for me to help them.
They're only using me.
I'd rather die instantly here right now than die on missions or expeditions they're gonna execute. I am sick of it, knowing that it isn't really the place where I belong.
I already said it from the beginning, right? I am no soldier. I only did it for Eric's sake, so that they won't kill him. For him to stay alive.
But now...he's already gone, so what's the fucking point of continuing my job as a member of their fucking branch? Bullshit. That is just suicide.
I already expected this. That one day, one of us will die because we're soldiers. But why won't my heart embrace that very fact?
YOU ARE READING
A Choice with no Regrets (Levi x Reader)
Fanfiction(Y/n) was once a weak, homeless girl who found herself in the Underground City, but was taken by Kenny the Ripper. He raised her, he taught her everything she needs to survive. Until one day, he ordered her to steal one of the 3D Manuever Gear from...
