Notice

{2} Bitter

Faizan Javed

Broken.

I was a broken man. No one could declare that known fact untrue. I had my own little world, allowing no one to sweep me off my feet and have any sort of domination over me. I was never the one to be swayed easily. I liked my space and independence and wasn't gonna be welcoming any remotely close member in my life to snatch that away from me.

Moving out of my parents' shell at a young age and making myself stable wasn't a doll's play. I worked hard, every day. Being one of the influencers in Pakistan, I decided I didn't need love or kindness to go far in life.

Heck, I was so wrong.

Years of loneliness made me a soul so bitter that as soon as someone tried approaching me, they would immediately taste the inedible and throw me away. They would spit me out as soon as they touched me.

No one bothered knowing me better. What hid behind my mask, what was the truth. Absolutely no one.

Even my own family didn't see me like I would have hoped.

Despite all this, I kept myself towering over others. Like I said, I was no one to sit back and watch others tear me apart while keeping me in the endless loop of hurt.

I was strong enough. Just maybe not enough to handle myself when my business came crashing down and I bawled like a child instead of grasping the situation.

And here I was, getting sympathetic looks from a family I could consider my own. They were here to see me stand on my feet and here to see me tremble.

My first thought after finding out my business wasn't exactly where I wanted it to be and was close to almost closing down, I ran away. I shut myself in for months.

My family tried reaching out to me and I pushed them away. I didn't make myself approachable and blamed them instead. So fast forward, here I was, in front of Dad's best friend.

Anwar Uncle wasn't like my Dad, he wasn't strict about emotions and let you go loose if you wanted to. However Dad on the contrary, felt uncomfortable if talking about how you feel. I didn't blame him for the way he acted. Toxic masculinity was basically engraved in his mind ever since he was little.

In all this disarray, I only had my Lord with me. I put myself in His hands and prayed with all of my heart that I find myself happy once again. My religion was something I could never let go of.

Kinza Aunty stepped forward with a glass of water in her hands, offering it to me. I gave a tight smile while taking it from her grip and gulped it down at the speed of light. My throat was dry from all the turmoil.

Talha put a hand on my shoulder, looking down at me with concern lacing his eyes, "You need anything else?"

I shook my head at him and placed my hand on his, tapping it in a reassuring way. Talha and I kept contact throughout these years. He told me all about his life affairs and all of his secrets.

Sadly, I couldn't bring myself up to do the same.

After being hesitant to ask me further questions, Talha stepped away and Rabia Appi gave me a nervous smile. I wished I could return it but knowing she was engaged to my brother brought back all the times he did me wrong. All the times he made me feel less compared to him.

Suddenly, anger coated my voice as I spoke, "Why? Why are you with him?" I waited a beat for her reply as silence fell upon the room. My head hung low again as I made myself comfortable on the chair.

"Because I love him." Was her simple reply.

I held my head in my hands as I groaned, tears stinging my eyes. As heartless and cold I seemed, I wouldn't come in between of those who love.