Hey There, Delilah

Ch17 •step 2: Sit Silently•

The initial plan was to not go. I would tie my body to my bed with rope, with duct tape, and use whatever body weight to weigh myself down. People could tug, pull, beat me, but I would remain on my bed until the date was over.

But with a mom now on board, a pregnant friend relentlessly texting me, and an emotionally unstable baby daddy involved, there was no way I was getting out of this date.

It was the night of the date, and it took every bit of restraint to not lock myself in the bathroom. I could feel the gurgling feeling brew itself in my weakened stomach, it would bound to come sooner or later.

"Mom, I really don't feel well. Like-.." she closed the car door on the driver side. She started the car, looked straight ahead, and remained in the car. "MOM?!" Her eyes never moved from straight ahead, she moved her fingers to roll down the window. "Cason Cooper. Get your ass in this car right this second. Emma is a nice girl-." "Olivia. Olivia is her name mom." I spoke confidently. "Shut up." She meant business, and I grew even more anxious. The window slowly rolled back up. I sighed heavily as I made my way to the passenger side door.

"Why is everyone forcing me to go on this date? Shouldn't it be my choice?" She looked behind her to make sure no one was coming. "I don't know what your friends say, but this is a chance for you to get out there, to go hang with a really pretty, nice girl." My mom's motives were pure. She wasn't setting me up to be embarrassed, or in on this plan to prank me in front of Olivia. I felt a little better about the date until we pulled up to the restaurant.

My button shirt began cutting off any circulation around my neck. I grabbed at my neck, my breath shortened, and my hands were becoming more and more sweaty. "Cason. Cason breath. You've got this." Her hand rested on my shoulder, the pressure left a mark on my shirt where the sweat began to accumulate. "Damn you're sweaty."

I couldn't help but laugh. My nerves were rising to new levels, and the only thing I could do was laugh. I closed the door behind me, the door slipped out of my sweaty hands. A blonde figure approached me. "Cason?" I turned around to face her. Her voice was southern and soft. "Olivia?" She reached out for my hand, "Nice to meet you." Her bright teeth glistened in the sunset.

I made my way to the door, opening it for her. "Thank you." She smiled with closed lips while she entered the restaurant. I could just let her in, close the door, and run. I could walk in with her, tell her I have AIDS, then say I have a doctors appointment, and then run. I could say I have to get back to my daughter, did I mention I have a daughter? And a wife? I'm married. I have four kids, I'm a fuck-boi. I'm a musically kid, a Muser. I stood outside of the restaurant. I faced the closed door.

Olivia opened the door from the inside, and kept it open. "You coming?" Her smile was welcoming. I felt safe even though I told myself to not get too comfortable. "O- oh yeah. Sorry." I slipped into the restaurant, the atmosphere was overwhelming. The dimmed lights set the mood for drunk adults, laughs and loud conversations came from all areas. "Cooper?" The hostess held two menus in hand, "y'all can follow me." She tried to speak over the noice, but it was no use. We followed her, all the way back to a small booth cornered by the restrooms. Perfect. I have easy access for puking, shitting, or to sit there and ponder where my life went wrong.

Olivia got on the left, my legs easy slid across the leather. My body was lubed up from my excretion of sweat from every gland and every pore of my body. "So-" I caught myself as my voice squeaked. Please god let her not have heard that. "SO-" She did her best to imitate the world's most horrendous voice crack. "You didn't quite get it. I just have a talent for embarrassing myself in any situation." I was speaking against the conversation behind me, next to me, across the room, across the building. I ended up speaking to myself.