Apprentice (Bradley Simpson Fanfic)

thirty five

It’s been a few days since Brad and I went on our picnic and I had a breakdown regarding our relationship, the things that I mentioned to him have been playing on my mind ever since and I can’t shake the feeling that this is going to be too difficult to continue. Right now I am sat on the floor next to my suitcase separating clothes I’ve worn and clothes I haven’t, folding them up and putting them in the bag ready to go home. It early morning, and my flights not until 10:20pm which means Brad and I will have the whole day together to cry about leaving again. This whole trip has been emotionally draining and honestly I can’t wait to go home and for life to go back to normal, no more flights and different times zones, different climates to deal with and having to live with Olivia every single day.

It’s only a little over a week until Brad will be home aswell, that’s when the real test begins, I start uni and they start rehearsals, then they travel again. That’s when we’ll discover if any of this is going to work or if this whole thing has just been a summer fling. Anyway, back to packing, everyone else has gone to breakfast in the city but Ange and I had to stay back to get ready. I know she’s feeling as anxious as I am to go home and be away from Tristan, she doesn’t even live in London, which makes it even harder.

‘Ange, are you nervous about going home, like about your relationship with Tris?’ She stops her packing and thinks for a second.

‘Not really, I love him so I’m sure we’ll make it work. It’ll probably be difficult but it’s worth it you know.’ I nod and carry on packing.

‘Why? Are you worried Bella?’

‘I don’t know how I feel right now, Brad’s convinced it will be okay, but I just keep thinking about all the things that are going to get in the way and make it difficult.’ I place my hand on my forehead, taking a deep breath and composing myself.

‘You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you have to find out. Bella he loves you so much you can’t just walk away.’ She’s staring at me now, waiting for me response, but I don’t even know what to say.

‘Ange, I don’t know what I’m going to do, we’ve only been together for the summer, but it seems like years because we’ve literally spent everyday together. I think maybe it was all a bit much too fast and now we’re going to pay the consequences when we can’t be together. Maybe it’s better if I do just walk away and save all the hassle. He can go on tour, I can go to uni and everyone can just move on from it. If we leave it as a summer thing then there doesn’t have to be any drama.’

‘He’s not just going to let you walk away you know that right? He will fight until he can’t anymore. You saw how hard he worked to get you back when he messed up with Olivia, if you are planning on walking away it isn’t going to be easy.’

‘Well, like I said, I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.’

‘Not going to lie to you Bella, you sound like you’ve pretty much decided and you’re just trying to justify it to yourself.’ She stands up and leaves the room, leaving me to think about what she’s said. Is she right? Have I already decided? I’m pretty certain I know what I’m going to do, but there are still doubts in my mind. I love him so much, can I just walk away?

Why have I constantly got a thousands questions in my head, but never any answers, I just wish this was easier. No matter what I do in this situation someone is going to be upset and hurt. If I leave him, I’ll break his heart, and mine in the process all to make things easier. If we stay together we will barely see eachother, he’ll be away and it will be just as painful. This is far too stressful, I need a nap. 

When I wake up several hours later I pack the last of my things into my bag and get into my ‘airport outfit’. Everyone has an airport outfit, its clothes that are comfortable enough to sit through a 10-hour flight in, but they’re also warm enough to brace you for the change in weather when you land back in the UK. My airport outfit is black leggings, a plain white t-shirt and a grey oversized jumper that is folded in my carry on until I’m on the plane. My hair is pulled into a high ponytail, falling over my shoulder and I’m not wearing any makeup.