Chapter 1

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Looking down at the test stick one last time I throw it in my bag. I knew something was wrong with me when my boobs started to hurt and then my period never came but I guess I was in denial.

I did not want it to be true. I did not want to have a baby because a man would not stop forcing himself on me for his own pleasure. I did not want to acknowledge the fact that as soon as I knew it was 100% real that I would have to change.

I would have to leave, I would have to take my life into my own hands and risk it all to give someone else a chance. I would stop having to be a coward and escape.

I may not deserve a future but this baby has done nothing wrong. This baby did not get to pick who it's mama was going to be or it's sperm donor. This baby deserves so much more than anything I will ever be able to give it.

But as selfish as it is, I love it. I could never give it up, I could never part with it. Because of that I cashed out all the money my Daddy left me when he died, it's more than I deserve.

I had refused to touch it because of that, because of the guilt, because I am dirty and not worth anything.

I never told Red about the money because I knew he would take it. I knew he would use it to harm others, by bettering his "business."

The money has always been a secret and now I thank God for at least giving me the two sense to keep it that way.

Red had made sure that I never had money, never had a car, never had a way to escape.

But yesterday I walked the 12 miles to the bank and cashed everything out. I knew he would be gone for the whole day on a short run before the long run that he left for tonight.


So I kissed him goodbye like the good girlfriend he thinks I am, and packed the little bit of shit I own after his car left the garage.

I only have a couple of tops, two pairs of jeans, a jacket that's seen better days, and a pair of sneakers. You do not need much when you are not allowed to leave your home.

I do not own any photographs, anything that ties to me well anything. He had taken everything but he will not take this baby.

Now I am starting my 20 mile walk to the bus stop. If I get there by 2:00am I will make it on the bus to Florida.

I will then leave the bus in North Carolina at their first stop and will take a plane from Charlotte to Arizona. I will pick a random state once I hit Arizona and then I will find a small area to raise my baby in. A safe place away from ass hole men. Away from Red and his gang.

I am getting the Hell out of Doge no matter what. Because this baby deserves better, and I will make sure it's crazy Daddy gets no where near it.

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