I'm used to it but it doesn't hurt any less. To know you're the least loved. To know you're not needed. To know your importance is fading. To know if you walked away no one would notice until they needed something from you.To know you don't get the same amount of effort as you give out. To know that you have to keep smiling even when hurt. To know you've gotta help others but can't help yourself.
But aren't you used to it?
You push everything down until you burst when everything is silent.
The words of disappointment, anger, and stress all directed at you doesn't hurt any less, even though you know you should be used to it.
It hurts and you pretend it doesn't. You won't scream or beg for help, that's attention seeking, or weakness. You're stuck in a circular vortex. It doesn't feel like living, it's surviving. Purpose and meaning comes and goes, thus effecting your motivation. Stop being lazy, you're disgusting, go and do something, go and clean if you have nothing else to do. It hurts but I won't tell you that. Your voice haunts my head, all voices like that haunt my mind at night, but guess what?
I'm used to it.
Just don't be surprised when I break, don't be surprised when I've decided enough is enough don't be surprised I've already lost the game.
Written: 10/01/19
Finished: 2:45 am
Not edited
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