Distance

Chapter Three- Invisible

I always believed I was invisible. Everyday, people would shove me in the hallways, trip over me when I was sitting by my locker, spill something on me at lunch, and not even be phased. I know I'm invisible. The only reason my parents and family know I'm here is because they knew me before I was such a failure. Such a reject. Chase... I don't know. For some reason, he loves me. And it's nice to hear that, even if it isn't true. I feel I can tell him things I would never tell anyone else. At least I'm not invisible to everyone.

I wake up with tears on my face. But I know for a fact they're tears of joy. I had a dream that I was going to go through with ending my life. I knew it. I filled my pockets with fishing weights from my father's tackle box, and I held them in my hands, put them in my shoes, and I walked to the lake in our neighborhood. The only time people went there was to fuck eachother or smoke weed, so I didn't think anyone would notice me. There was a huge drop off, deep enough for me to go all the way under and have a spacious amount of water over me. I stepped on the drop off and looked around. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the trees were sparkling from the morning dew, everything looked perfect. Except for me. I stepped off the drop off, and I sunk down to the bottom. I felt the pressure in my chest, burning my lungs, but I liked it. No, I loved it. I loved that feeling, I felt so pure. I didn't struggle, I just lay there, and looked up through the water at the sky, the sun, the birds, everything. I saw a bright blue light and I knew what it was. I didn't even have to think twice. I felt my last breath coming on, and I didn't even savor it. I didn't want it. I glanced up once more, my vision blurry from both the water and lack of oxygen, and then nothing. But then, the scene changed, to where it was something looking down at me. I saw my body under the water in that lake, my hair flowing in every direction, the sun shining on my fair skin, and for once in my life, I looked beautiful.

But that dream wasn't a reality. It was a school day for me. A Tuesday, with more than half of the week left. Ugh,

I put on my uniform, my shoes, and grab my bag and put my cell phone and my razor box in it. My parents know I used to cut, but I don't think they do now. Plus, I used to cut on my stomach, so if they were to check, which they have in the past, that's where they would check.

I walk into the kitchen and grab my pills, swig them down with some water that's sitting on the counter. Mom has toast on a plate with butter on it, so I grab a piece and bite into it. I find a note from her on the fridge as I'm searching for something little to eat, so Chase doesn't get concerned at lunch, that reads Had to go to work early. Your father will be back tomorrow, I'll see you after school today. Love, Mom. P.S. Be Happy!! :)

I take the note and crumple it up, then stuff it into a pocket in my bag. My arm catches on the strap and opens a cut, and blood starts running down my arm. Well, shit. I search in the medicine cabinet for a bandaid, but can't find one. My parents think if there are bandaids missing, I've started cutting again, so they either hide them, or count them everyday and if there are any missing they ask to search my body. That happens if I ask for one, too. I press the sleeve of my hoodie onto the open cut, and head out the door.

When I get to school, I stand by my locker and put my books in it, and then search for a box of bandaids I might have kept from before. No luck there. I guess I'll have to be brave.

"Hi." I say to a girl next to me. I don't think it's her locker she's standing at, because she's just leaning against it, with books against her chest under her folded arms.

She turns to me and smiles, says "Hi!" back. She's pretty, but not the kind of pretty any guys at this school would go for. She's kind of on the heavier side, but her face is so soft and kind looking and gentle, it makes you want to hug her. But that's not what I'm here for.

I manage to force a small smile, nothing too important. "Um... would you happen to have a bandaid?"

She rummages around in her purse for a minute, pulls out this turquoise wallet with a multicolored owl on the front, and opens it up. She pulls out a clear bandaid and hands it to me, still smiling. "Here you go! I always keep these handy, I am such a klutz."

I turn to my locker and put my arm inside it, so I can put the bandaid over the cut that's still bleeding. I pull up my sleeve and open the bandaid, placing it on the cut carefully. I feel breath on my neck and I immediately turn around, pulling my sleeve down and crumpling the bandaid paper, stuffing it into my hoodie pocket.

"Um... are you okay?" the girl says. She looks worried. And this time, I actually believe she is. I look at her, my eyes wide, and then I run down the hallway into the bathroom. Now everyone will know I'm a freak.