The Girl Without the Hoodie

Three.

After a long days work, helping kid after kid, all you really want to do is sit down on your couch, drink a tall glass of wine and relax. But that's not the type of person I am. I got into my car and began to drive over to my kids. A lot has changed within the past couple years. I've gained my self confidence back, and I no longer cower in fear over the slightest movements. There are those times when my mind gets the best of me, I at times get flashbacks and it throws me straight into a panic attack.

I have lucky moved on for the most part. Much from the help of Jax, I am so lucky to have him in my life. He helped me to figure out what to do when I had a panic attack, he helped me to overcome my fear of everyone and everything. Plus having kids who constantly hang on you, really brings you right out.

I pulled up to the middle school having Avery and Blake jump in. They both gave me a smile and a hello. I pulled out and headed towards the high school to pick up Ryder.

"How was school you two?" I asked smiling at them in the back.

"Eh, boring." Blake slumped in his seat.

"That's to bad, how about you Avery?"

"The same. You should know, you work at a school." She said with some sass.

I looked up in the mirror giving her a look. She quickly looked down regretfully. I quickly pulled into the schools parking lot and Ryder jumped into the passenger seat. I gave him a smile which he quickly turned down with the frown that was permanently spread across his face.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine. Just go home."

I gave him a sad smile and drove home. The car was pretty quite the whole way there. No one said anything, it was like a mental break from our days, a time to process everything. Once I was parked everyone got out and sulked into the house. Blake and Avery went straight to the living room and sat down on the couch pulling out their electronics. Ryder ran straight up into his room shutting his door behind him. I let out a sigh and sat down at the counter and rested my head on my hands.

The door opened and Jax walked in. He came up to me and brought me into his warm grasp. His intoxicating smell wrapped around me instantly making me more comfortable. My body let go and relaxed into his hold. He rubbed my back soothing me even more. His lips met the top of my head.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the chair and into the living room. Avery and Blake had left for their rooms so it was just us. Jax turned on the tv to one of our favorite shows and grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch, and threw it over top of us. I cuddled into his side, his warmth radiating off of him.

"How did I get so lucky to have you?" I asked looking up at him.

"No, the real question is, how did I get so lucky to have you?" He said smirking.

We both looked towards the stairs as Avery came down. She looked at us and then quickly looked away and walked towards the kitchen.

"You two need to get a room." She said with a childlike laugh.

Jax pulled me towards him and gave me a kiss on the lips. We sat on the couch for a while and he eventually went to make us dinner. I went up to our room and changed into more comfortable clothes, sweats and a t-shirt.

I knocked on Ryder's door making sure that he was ok. I was a teenager at one point in time, I know that you just need your space sometimes.

"Yeah." He voiced so I knew he was in there.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

I opened up his door and walked into his very messy room. Avoiding piles of dirty clothes and odd arrangements of items. I sat next to him on his bed as he played on his phone.

"You doing ok?" I asked with a worried look on my face.

"Yeah, today was just another one of those days, you know?" He said.

I just nodded and brought him into a hug. He sat there playing with his hands in his lap. I grabbed his hand and pulled it onto mine. He looked at mine and began to follow the scaring up and down my arm. I didn't mind it, like I use to. They were now a part of me, something that I could gladly say, shows my strength.

I watched as a look of pain washed over his face. I grabbed his hand and had him feel them. I usually don't let them do this, because it brings back so many memories. To this day, I can still tell you when and how I got every scar on my body.

"How'd you get all of these?" He asked.

"I think you might be old enough now. It still might be a little much to hear though ok." I said with concern.

"Mom, I'm almost 17, you can tell me." He said with a small smile.

So I did. It took a while, and I opened up a lot to him. He finally understood why I did certain things that he use to question, and why I acted weird towards certain things. He gave me a concerned look.

"Everything is ok now. You don't have to worry about anything, not anymore. Nothing is going to hurt like that again." I said pulling him into my side.

"I'm proud of you mom, for making it though that." He said looking down.

"Thank you kiddo. I don't let these scars define who I am as I person, I'm only as strong as I'm willing to be. Alright, lets go have some dinner." I said pulling him off his bed.