Our Words Are Stars

8. I turned into you.

I'm not 100% sure that I'm going to be OK.

But I have a pen and a small notebook with thousands of feelings that I'm looking forward to write down with every single detail, like plucking out a sparrow's feathers.

And yet, somehow, I think that would be more than enough.

To be OK, I mean.

"Is everything OK, Neff?" Somebody asked me. It took me a while to realize that the person is Gant, my dear friend.

I feel dizzy. What have just happened? I guess this is what a lot of people describe as a Déjà vu. But I have experience those, and this one certainly doesn't feel exactly like it.

Maybe I'm just dizzy. I'm drinking beer, so that could be possible reason. I have only drunk one, though.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine." I told him, partially a lie.
But he obviously didn't believe me because he is still looking at me all worried. "Alright. Well, we were talking about going somewhere else..."
I quickly shook my head. "No, I can't." It takes me another moment to realize that's another lie, a full one. I actually can, in the full meaning of the word. I don't have a lot to do. "What I mean is... that I don't feel like it. I'm not feeling so good to be honest."
Gant perfectly rises an eyebrow, and somehow that makes his blue-greyish eyes bright. "You just told me that you were OK."
"And I am. Just not enough into a let's-keep-this-party-going mood. Nor Drinking. I actually want to go to bed now." I said, feeling a little bit mad all of the sudden.
Gant noticed that, he put a hand on my shoulder. "I see. OK, understood. Want me to ask for a cab for you?" He offered.
Yet again a shook my head. "No, thanks." Then, looking to the other side of the table, I raised my voice so she could hear me. The rest of my friends are there, still drinking and laughing about the same jokes we always laugh about. "Melanie will go with me, so I'm going to be OK." I glanced at my best friend, Melanie, and she heard me, I'm sure she did. She always does it.

Gant, however, looks at me even more worried, if that's even possible.

Mel is looking at me as well. She puts her drink down and gives me a warm smile, her always-warming-smiles. That's is just part of her, I suppose. She is warm altogether, actually: her bright, brown eyes are like wood in a bonfire pit, her long hair is brownish-red and when waving to the wind it looks just like flames would, and her freckles fill her rounded face and give her even more color, more details.

Melanie is full of life.

Gant keeps looking at me, full of concern, I don't know how else to describe it. Maybe he is a bit worried because I told him I feel dizzy. But that's just the way Gant always is. He is the kind of guy who always wants to walk with you to your bus stop, even if that makes him walk more. He is the kind of man that, without second thought, and not just to look cool, he would take off his coat or hoodie so he can offer it to you on a rainy day or a cold one.

He is basically the best kind of friend someone can even find.

"I know... I know you trust her, Neferet." He says, as the rest of our friends keep with the talking, laughing and drinking. including Mel. Oh, and by the way, I really hate when people call me by my full name. "But you should... uh, learn to move on, without her. She must have her own things to do."
"Gant." I start, cutting him off. "I know what you try to say, and believe me, I really know how to deal with Mel, I've had enough of it. But right now, I just need my best friend and a good night sleep. OK?"

Gant nods twice, and sits, letting me pass. As soon as I stood up, Melanie does the same, and then she is already following while walking out of that bar. We don't say goodbye to anybody else, which makes me feel a little bit rude at first, but then I think about this: they didn't even put attention to us while leaving, neither said bye. So there is that. I think they are pretty good with their drinks and small talks.