Our Words Are Stars

12. A letter you probably won't read.

So, this is maybe attempt number 4...

Oh, fuck it. Who am I even kidding? My first thought while writing this was to mention a low number so I don't look like an obsessive person who just can't give you up—But I want to write my true feelings, so I'll tell you one thing: I will be nothing but honest in this letter.

And that's the first truth. I lost count of how many times I've been trying to reach you and still... and still here we are. Another attempt, this time as a letter. A letter you probably won't read.

It's been, a year already, I think. No, never mind that. It's been a year already. Fact; I know it because I remember. I remember it all though it still feels like last month. So here is my first question for you: have you even thought about it? Like, even for a brief moment walking or waking up... did you stop and thought "hey, a year has passed"?

I want to believe you have. But, once again, applying the honesty rule, I somehow doubt it. At the same time, however, I would be crossing my fingers (I don't because, well, I'm writing this, duh) to be wrong.

Alright, either you answered that or not. Maybe you are reading this or maybe you aren't. Therefore, one would wonder... why even bother then to write a letter no one is going to read? Or not the person who is supposed to read it, for the matter.

The answer is plain and simple: because I want to write it. That's pretty much it.

There is a beautiful song I love for various reasons... and yes, I'm listening to it while I write this. You should listen to it; it's called "Hey You" by Lea Michele. I'm doing something similar to what Lea did with her song. I obviously don't know anything about music and lyrics, and still... I have to admit that even if I could sing... I wouldn't do it.

Besides, someone (I honestly don't remember who) once told me writing full of feelings, full of meaning, is basically like a song. Is art. So maybe it's true. That I'm not so sure, but still, you'd better know that.

Then, I wanted to write and explain that song's lyrics but then I realized it's not what I'm intended to do. Sure, the song is amazing and every time I listen that song, I think about you. About us. (And yes, I insist that you should listen to it). Sure, that song has a lot of things I feel and some things I want to tell you, as well. But they are not my words.

When you met me, you knew I loved to write and once you asked me if I would ever write something for you. Well, you can imagine me now laughing, because I am. Why? Because when you asked me that, I just thought: "if I ever write something for you, it will be the moment you are faraway, or because there is just too much inside of me that I'd need a way to let it all out".

So, yes. I'm writing something not only about you but for you. And I was right; double right, to be exact: you are faraway and I have a lot of things I want to tell you.

Like I said, I'm writing this mostly for me. But if you want to say "hey, you finally wrote something about me!" and place it over your fridge with a nice magnet figurine... go ahead. I'll be happy.

I don't know what number of truth inside this letter will the next one be, but here it is: I miss you.

And, you know what? Missing is something both, amazingly nice and terribly hard to live. It's amazing because, believe it or not, it always inspires me. On the other side of the coin, sure, it's hard. Jesus Christ, I've missed you almost every single day after you left. And that is so... crazy, and sad, and crazy again, and... normal, I think.

We miss a lot of people in our daily lives. We miss our best friend who's working in another office building because he wanted more money. We miss family that live in another city or country. We miss people who passed away and we pray to be with them as soon as we part from this world as well... that's why missing someone is normal. We miss someone, or something, every day, even if we don't pay much attention to it.