Closer - Noah Centineo/Peter Kavinsky

Closer (Part 30)- forbidden thoughts

I'm ambushed by love from Seth and his sister Tasha when I arrive back home from New York. It's a comforting feeling being back in the city that I have known my whole life, and seeing people that have been with me since the beginning. During the car ride to my empty house, they bombard me questions about the flight, audition and my free time in New York.

Honestly, the first two topics are easy to talk about, but its the third that makes guilt wash over me as I look at their curious and excited faces. I've never been the one to be so dishonest. Seth has always known everything about me. And honestly, I've never had to be a liar.

But, this time it was different. I had no choice, I tell my guilty conscience. It was Jay's secret and not one he even wanted to keep but had to for the safety of the people around him.

I knew there was more to my dishonesty than just Jay's secret. What did I do during my free time? Oh, nothing I just hung at my boyfriends friends private house, slept in the same bed with him, met his dangerous family and rode around in his expensive car.

But, I just push those guilty thoughts to the back of my mind and blame it on the "mafia secret". And when they ask, I tell them that I spent most of my time in my hotel room practicing for audition.

"So, when are you gonna find out if you got in?" Tasha squeals on the couch of my living room after we get home.

"By the end of the week," I grin, sipping on the Starbucks Peach Green Tea Lemonade that Seth surprised me with.

"So, if you get in and move to New York, I can totally have your dance studio right?" Tasha chirps with a beaming smile on her face.

Before I have a chance to answer Seth who's sitting next to me interjects, "She's not going to go to Julliard.

I glance over at him with raised eyebrows. "What do you mean by that, Seth?

He shrugs, unguiltly with a goofy smile on his face. "I mean come on, you're not actually going to go Julliard. The plan is California"

I sense an uneasy feeling come at me but not because I'm nervous. I feel annoyed by his easy nonchalant attitude towards the topic. In front of me, Tasha stares at us with widened eyes, slurping the last few drops of her smoothie very loudly. She eyes me as if knowing what exactly is going to happen now but doesnt say anything.

"Then, why would I go all the way to New York for an audition?" I question, turning to him with my shoulders crossed.

He seems surprised by my defensive body language while he eyes me up and down. "I guess to just do it to prove that you can get in. I mean a lot of people apply to a lot of college just to see where they'll get in for the fun of it," he informs.

"That seems like a complete waste of time," I hiss. Why the hell would I even jump on a plane which I'm deathly afraid of just to go to prove to the school that I was worthy of getting in?

"Maybe," he admits, playing with his hands. "But you know theres nothing in New York for me," he says, glumly.

"Remind me again why," I spit out, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"I'm gonna go wait on the porch cuz this is awkward," Tasha decides while getting up. She shuffles quickly towards the door. "Seth, hurry up and don't be a dick, I have homework to do. Bye Ella," she says grinning. I give her a wave before she shuts the door, leaving us in a room full of tension.

His hand touches my bare knee after she leaves, "You know I got no chances to play out there. The plan was Cali". I feel myself getting more and more annoyed with the word plan coming out of his mouth. "Plus you got amazing chances in California," he offers, with light grin on his face.