in my head - hardzello

tears

song: hey jude - the beatles

it was safe to say that ben didn't get one ounce of sleep that night. he lay awake, staring at his ceiling. thoughts ran around his head constantly, never ending. he had only known joe for a day but he had a special connection with him, unlike any other with anyone else. he didn't know how to take his feelings for joe. were they even real feelings? the only reason he couldn't tell is because he'd never met a boy that he wanted. a boy that he thought was beautiful. a boy that he wanted to kiss. he'd always known he was different, but he didn't know why. now he knows.

meanwhile, joe was rolling around in his bed, slowly sobering up. whenever a new person came to school, he was assigned to help them. he'd met people, he'd be nice, but he never wanted to maintain something with them, a friendship, or more. but he felt this way with ben and he wasn't sure why. as soon as that timid boy stepped foot into the reception, he was drawn to him like a magnet. everything about him was entrancing, enchanting. the only thing he was cautious of was the fact that he didn't want to scare ben off, he didn't want to lose him.

six am, the next morning (friday)

joe ;)

you have caused me the worst headache in existence.

how do you expect me to survive this school day?

good morning sunshine x

ben

well i mean i wasn't the one who decided to drink five

beers, you alcoholic.

sleep well? x

joe ;)

terribly, my mind was keeping me up.

ben

and why is that?

joe ;)

thinking about you x

ben

cliche

joe ;)

its tru

joe ;)

you've done something to me

joe ;)

im serious

ben

what would that be?

joe ;)

meet me after school and ill let you know x

ben

will do x

joe didn't know for a fact that ben was feeling the same, but he sure did hope so. he had planned everything out in his head. he wanted it to work out so bad, but he wasn't sure. but for it to work, he had to admire ben from afar that day.

ben was confused to say the least. he didn't fully know what he actually wanted to happen, but he thought it was something along the lines of spending time with joe, getting drunk, and kissing the lips that he had missed out on last night.

ben felt some sort of pressure to seem attractive to joe now. he put in effort for what he was wearing to his classes that day. so did joe, he even washed his hair for the occasion.

the day went on, and joe admired ben from afar, as he had promised himself. ben was concerned at first, why the boy didn't greet or acknowledge him verbally. but ben caught joe staring in math studies, and joe pulled a sly smirk, and ben sighed knowingly, that meant that everything was okay.

and then the day continued to go on, and ben got the hint. he began to understand that it was some type of plan on joe's part. and that he must be preparing something. but to ben, every second they weren't talking or touching was a second wasted.

and the day still went on, and ben had come to terms with his infatuation, and joe the same. and it was becoming too much to handle for ben. he needed joe, but joe needed his space, so he kept himself from doing anything that would make him angry.

and then the day came to an end, and ben was getting his books out of his locker. he had no idea where he was supposed to meet joe, but he figured joe would come and get him. and so he waited, 2, 5, 10 minutes, until everyone had left. and he kept his head in his locker to make it look like he was doing something, in case anyone walked passed.

footsteps echoed down the empty locker hall, quick, fast-paced. and joe approached ben's locker, spinning him around, handfuls of the boy's shirt in his fists.

ben hummed, accidentally. and joe let out a deep breath.

'that's hard.' joe stated, pushing their bodies together.

ben spluttered, could joe feel him?

'sorry i can't help i-'

'being away from you for the whole day was very hard, ben, what were you talking about?' joe innocently questioned, a knowing grin swiped across his face.

they heard a door shut from the end of the hallway, immediately pulling themselves away from each other. the receptionist from the previous day was walking toward them.

'oh how fabulous to see you two getting along so well!' ok, so she didn't see anything, ben thought. 'although i will have to ask you two to leave now, i must lock up.'

'of course miss.' joe groaned, quite obviously frustrated that they were interrupted. he beckoned for ben to close up his locker and follow him off campus.

they walked away and towards joe's car, getting in and buckling up.

'uh- where are we going, if you don't mind me asking?' ben shyly said.

'you don't strike me as being shy.' joe said, as he was focusing on leaving the parking lot.

'i didn't think i was.'

'you are, that's not you.'

'it's not.' ben said under his breath.

'heard that.'

ben chuckled softly.

'spill, you okay babe?'

'may i?' joe nodded.

'i was terrified to move to this school, and somehow i feel like you don't actually like me but i'm trying so hard not to come across as desperate because i've never felt this way about a boy and quite frankly its incredibly scary...' ben was flustered, rushing.

joe pulled the car to the side of the road, looking over to see ben, scared and with tear stained cheeks.

'baby, baby, baby, shshshshsh.' joe was frantically grabbing at ben's hands and face as ben broke down sobbing.

'i'm sorry, jesus.' ben apologised. joe didn't know how to make him feel better, so he settled on affection. he hesitated slightly, but continued to lean in, kissing his cheeks, kissing the tears away. kisses all over his face, and ben had stopped, then joe had stopped. ben took his chance and leaned in to joe.

'be yourself now, yeah?' joe held the boy's face with compassion and care.

'i will.'

'good,' joe turned back to the wheel and kept his hand on ben's knee. they drove off. and that's when ben knew that they had something especially special, even perfect.