Reverend Green's Bible Of Misanthropy

The weather, vandalism, and a grave robbery

04/03/19

7:32pm

The weather, vandalism, and a grave robbery

4revgreen: It's been raining almost all day, and it only seems to be getting worse the darker it gets. I made the mistake of letting all my dogs out for wee just a couple of minutes ago and now the carpet is covered in muddy paw prints and the house smells like wet dog. My oldest dog, a Jack Russell called Spud (Named after his love of potatoes) is sat by my feet right now, getting my trousers all wet.Not that I mind that much, they're just dogs, and a carpet can be cleaned. Still. The smell isn't the best.

We're meant to be on the receiving end of a storm, I believe. It's meant to get a lot worse than it is now, perhaps thunder and lightening, I'm not sure. That was always my favourite kind of weather as a kid; I would sit on my windowsill and watch the trees wave in the wind, and the lightening strike the earth. I used to pretend each strike was hitting a person, someone I didn't like, and would add my own realistic sound effects to each blow. My parents didn't like that game.

Today has been rather strange. I'm not sure if that the correct way to describe it but I don't really have any other words to describe it.

I woke up at 6am, on the dot, after maybe two or three hours of sleep. I didn't have a dream, because I never dream, which has always annoyed me because maybe if I dreamt sometimes I'd have some good topics to write stories about (I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I've always liked to write but never know what to write about. Fiction, I mean, stories.) I got up and make myself a coffee and some toast like I do every morning and sat down at kitchen table. Now my house,like I've mentioned before, is attached to the church, and so out of any window you can see the graveyard that surrounds the church. From my kitchen window, you can see the more expensive looking graves; the kind of graves with angel statues next to them. There's this one with a a very large headstone and an angel either side, which always freaked me and my siblings out as kids because my mum once remarked how the eyes seemingly followed you as you walked, and after that we could never escape their gazes. It belongs to a man who used to own most of the houses in the village before he died about 10 or so years ago. His family would come by once a month or so to personally clean the grave and leave new flowers, despite the church employing a caretaker to do the cleaning. His name was Lord Julian Monsell and he died aged 56 of a sudden heart attack. As I take my first sip of coffee, I look out the window and see that the angels are both missing their heads, and the earth and flowers surrounding the grave had been all dug up, with massive heaps of dirt surrounding what was left of the angels.

It must have happened in the night, which is odd because I was up until the early hours of the morning like always, and my dogs most likely would have barked had they heard anyone outside. I finish my breakfast (A priority, as breakfast is the most important meal of the day) and then go outside to take a look, letting my dogs out for their morning stretch at the same time. The grave had actually been dug up,completely and the coffin was opened to reveal no body inside. The gravestone had been spray painted with a symbol that looked similar to the ones at Scar's house. My dogs, having finished their business (They're well trained, they would never shit on a grave) ran over tome and started sniffing the now 6 foot hole in the ground. I sent the dogs inside and followed closely behind, knowing this needed to be reported to the police. Someone had stolen a body. A fucking body. I didn't know that kind of thing actually happened.

So I reported it to the police through a rather awkward phone call (I've never been the best at speaking on the phone, and I'm not quite sure the person on the other end believed me to begin with) and was instructed not to touch anything or let anyone near it whilst the police where on their way. I quickly dressed myself in a somewhat respectable outfit (Black jeans, check shirt, both newly washed) and though I realised I hadn't showered in three days, I didn't have enough time so I drowsed myself in some lynx. Not that I like smelling like lynx. I'm not the one who buys it, I just keep getting given it at Christmas.