Woodland DeMars imagines // x reader

The Saddest Part

Warnings!!: This one will be real sad, includes death by suicide and all that so please be aware and skip over if you're sensitive to said content.
Italics, bold and underlined means it's the reader's suicide note!!

You would think that after so much time of being alive you would get used to all the pain. To all the misery and heartbreak. That your heart and your brain would know how to handle losing someone, even if it's so unexpected. But no matter how much pain you deal with, you can never prepare yourself for the utter shock and searing pain when you lose someone you love.

It was so sudden. He should've seen the signs sooner. Should've told you he loved you, that you were the one he wanted to marry and grow old with. That you were the only person that knew how to brighten up his day without even trying to do so. He was so in love with you.

Yet, it was too late. And if he were to have just reminded you how special you really were, maybe you'd still be here. Maybe you'd be lightening up everyone's day like you normally did. Maybe they'd all have tine to remind you that you meant the world to them. Would that have made a difference? Would you walk through that door again? Or was he just hoping that dreaming of you still being there would change the fact that you were gone.

Everyone was heartbroken, some more than other's. Matthias and J-Fred filmed a video to honor you and give you a rest in peace type of speech while the rest of the crew took awhile off of work. Fans didn't understand how someone so happy and quirky like you could lose to such an ugly battle. Woods was, well, no one really knew. They all assumed he was taking it hard. The poor guy barely spoke. He didn't post for the longest time, fans were starting to worry if he'd be coming back, and honestly, he wasn't sure if he would. It was hard for everyone, whether they knew you or not. Talented fans made amazing edits to show that you'd always be loved and missed while others wrote achingly sad yet lovely words giving their condolences. At the end of the day, no one was sure what to do. But after awhile, all the channels went back to their posting schedules. The Rest Crew, who you were closest to, was less energetic and most could see past their face smiles and jokes. Most were concerned for Woods, who seemed as if he was only attentive for seconds and then he'd be back to overthinking and being lost in his own thoughts.

They never thought they'd lose you so soon. Especially not like this. And though it seemed that they'd forgotten you after awhile, they never did. You were always brought up, and some got a lump in their throat when things reminded them of you. Woods wrote so many songs about you, and sometimes he'd write little poems on Twitter, post paragraphs on Instagram, things like that.

Hello to whoever's reading this. If you happen to stumble upon this, I'm probably long gone. I promised you guys I'd fight the emptiness inside, the screaming voices and the constant nightmares. If you're reading this, it means I lost. I lost a battle I've been fighting for years. I don't want you to let you world crumble due to this, I promise I'm better now. Everyone I've met and worked with have been amazing. Moving to L.A. and getting a job here was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Meeting Woods, falling for him and letting myself be taken care of by him was the only thing keeping me alive at certain points. If I lost this battle, it's not because you failed me, because each and every one of you is perfect and you've made me so damn happy. But the truth is, I was never made for happiness. For love. For that fairytale, apple pie life. That's just what I was made for. Every good thing I had, I'd destroy. And sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if I was that girl that everyone loved and wanted. But I guess I'll never really know that now, huh? I'm not strong enough to battle all these demons, and maybe I'm not alone but man does it feel like I am. My mom used to tell me that giving up was the sign of weakness and fighting was the sign of strength but mom, I'm tired. Of everything. And I wish the good times outweighed the bad but if I'm gone it means it all became too much. And I'm sorry. To everyone. I'm sorry for not being strong enough to hold on until the good times rolled in but, like I said, I'm not made for happy endings. And the saddest part is; I'll never be able to witness you guys finding yours.

- I'm sorry,
(Y/N)

Ps- You'll always be my family.