Like To Be You ✓

twenty four

Song: this is what a broken heart feels like--- marina lin

**Trigger warning: Mentions of sexual abuse

o-o-o

"Okay," Rylee Manson says, looking at the debate club members. "We've got this. Just remember, if you forget your point or lose track, make random shit up. Just hope the judges don't notice."

"We're already screwed." I say. I'm wearing a scratchy formal white shirt with a tie and trousers. I can't wait until this is all over so that I can itch myself to death. "This year's judges are different. They're all teachers from the Rochester schools. So yeah, Trahan's gonna be there too."

Everybody looks at me, eyes wide. I feel their shock. Having Trahan as a judge won't be an advantage this year because of her distaste for me, and everybody's realising this now. I'm reducing our group's points by simply being here.

"It's alright." Colton Lowry, ever the optimistic, says and waves his hands. "Deep breaths, everybody. No overthinking. We're gonna rock it."

And the group does. Our debate team wins best team, a girl named Abby wins best interjector, Meera and Rylee share first place. And me?

I'm in second place, tied with two other people. I've never felt more humiliated.

The group wants to go to the mall to celebrate, but I tell them I'm tired and make a move to head home. Before we leave, Meera gives me a hug and says, "You killed it. It's just that Trahan sucks." 

That brings a smile on my face.

It's late in the evening when I pull my car out of the other school's parking lot, close to 7pm. It takes me nearly an hour with the evening traffic to reach Cartier Street, but then the steering wheel is turning and I'm taking a u-turn and heading back out.

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

He touched my cheek.

It doesn't mean anything.

Does he care?

No.

Does he remember? Anything? Christmas night? Us in front of the fireplace? His lips on mine?

He left you.

Why?

I don't know. I don't know, and I have questions that need to be answered.

I'm pulling into Tyler's drive way before everything comes crashing back down on me.

What are you doing?

The car jerks to a stop. I put my head on the steering wheel, trying to breathe properly.

The front door of his house opens, and he walks out, Maisie trailing like a little puppy behind him. He comes to a stop in front of my window and smiles. The window slides down.

"Get inside." I say. He cocks his head to the side, a bit confused, but complies. "Hey Maisie." I wave at Maisie. She doesn't say anything. I don't even know if she remembers me.

"What?" Tyler says, backing away from the door before he can open it, and picks up Maisie in his arms. "Where did you come from?"

Maisie and I are still locked in a staring contest as he carries her towards the house. Just before he enters, she lifts a hand and shouts, "Ducky!"

So she does remember me.

Tyler stops, setting her down on the ground. They exchange a few soft words, and then he leans towards his left and grabs his keys before he's back in the car.