Sometimes, Neil Graham doesn't hate Tyler Beckett.
Sometimes, Neil Graham isn't scared of his own home.
Sometimes, Neil Graham can be a bit of a walking contradiction.
And sometimes, Neil Graham doesn't think his father's murderer will ever be fou...
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The fairy lights on the Christmas tree in the Grahams' house glow brighter that year.
Maybe it's the laughter that radiates in the household, or maybe it's the shock waves that pass through it, the source a fourteen-year-old boy with his lips pressed to his best friend's under a plastic green mistletoe.
His eyes are wide open, and they can see every little freckle dotting Tyler Beckett's nose. When Tyler pulls away, Neil Graham finally breathes. He feels as though he could sit there for hours, trying to remember his name, when the sound of footsteps padding over the floor pricks their little bubble and in an instant, they're springing apart from each other.
"Come on boys," Robin Graham enters the room with a smile on his face. He carries a mug of steaming eggnog in one hand and a pair of his reading glasses in the other. "Time for bed. Or time for fort." He raises his brows at the gigantic pillow fort the boys spent over an hour building in front of the fireplace. Plush cushions and silky pillows are strewn about, with thick blankets and soft rugs covering the floor. Next to the fort, a bag of goodies lays; it overflows with chocolate bars of every brand and packets of pretzels and chips. Beside it, a stack of DVD movies lay--- all installments of Home Alone, Iron Man , and Die Hard, Monsters Inc., and The Grinch.
"Oh, you're thoroughly prepared for a sleepover." Robin turns his easy smile back to the boys. "Lights off before one."
"Okay, Dad." Neil Graham says, a bit out of breath. His body is still partly-paralysed with shock, and he's doing his best to pretend like everything is normal; like his best friend wasn't just kissing him a minute ago.
"G'night, kiddos." Robin switches the lights off, leaving only a small lamp on in the corner of the room. He turns to go upstairs, and Neil moves towards the fort.
"Ty," He begins, his voice shaking, "What did you just do?"
"I'm sorry." Tyler's cheeks are red, and a bashful frown settles over his lips. "I don't know what I was thinking."
"Do--- do you like boys?" Neil licks his lips, unsure of how to tread forward. "Because it's okay if you do. I'll still be your best friend."
"I don't know. I don't know."
"Okay." He whispers.
"Okay."
"Don't be sad."
"I'm not."
Neil moves to the bag of goodies and removes a Mars bar. He hands it to Tyler. "Look, I got you your favourite. There's loads of them."
Tyler attempts a smile and takes the chocolate bar from him. His stomach folds at the thought of eating it, so he helplessly holds it in his hand.
"There's m&ms, Snickers, Skittles, Toblerone, some Sour Patch Kids, and ooh, Twix!" Neil digs deeper into the bag, pulling out more chocolates.
Tyler knows he's doing his best to pretend everything's alright, but despite everything, it still hurts--- but only a bit, because he still has his best friend, and Neil doesn't hate him for doing what he did.
When they curl up underneath the blankets in front of the fireplace, Tyler puts his head on Neil's shoulder. His shirt smells like the detergent Mrs Graham uses, with an undertone of chlorine, a lingering reminder of their day in the freezing pool.
He tries to fall asleep; he thinks of his day with Neil, the feast he shared with his family, and other mundane recollections, hoping to lull himself into a satisfying slumber, but the imprint of Neil's lips on his is a burning reminder of his love for him, and the heartache and anxiety keep him awake.
When they wake up the next morning, everything is bright outside the windows. They eat breakfast (buttered croissants and hot chocolate), play a few board games (Neil becomes bankrupt in Monopoly, much to Tyler's delight, and Tyler becomes a victim of the mammoth snake on the 97th step in snakes n ladders, and Neil cackles happily), help Mrs Graham with the laundry, and use a ball of yarn to play with Gregory the cat.
In the evening, Tyler's parents come to pick him up and thank the Grahams. When Tyler hugs Neil, he squeezes him tightly, as though he never wants to let him go, and Neil whispers so only Tyler can hear: "You'll always be my best friend."
Tyler wants to kiss him again, but he can't, because Mr and Mrs Graham and his parents are here, and even thinking about Neil in ways other than a best friend around them terrifies him.
So instead he smiles and says "buh-bye", and gets into the car.
Neil waves good-bye from the window, and behind him, the little plastic mistletoe turns on the tree.
