Jupiter

Ch.1

SCENE ONE

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(a few directing notes: yes, the peanut gallery is in the background of every single scene. The character "UEAS" changes actors between scenes and this change will be indicated by the name; "UEAS-T" means Todrick Hall, and "UEAS-F" means Frank Ocean.)

(A gentle, acapella version of "Love on Top" by Beyonce swells as stars appear on the screen. The camera moves and Jupiter's big ass face appears in the corner, gradually growing bigger. It fills the screen and passes to the other side. The audience understands this symbolizes something, but they are not sure what. The camera zooms forward and heads towards earth. The camera cuts to a small coffee shop somewhere in America, as an instrumental indie version of the Beyonce song starts to play)

Hamlet

(entering coffeeshop)

Oh boy! I am looking forward to some piping hot coffee to brighten my day. I hate my job and my life and I want to quit. I am so lonely.

(sees Lady Gaga putting on lipstick behind counter)

Oh wowie a beautiful woman! I am so lonely but perhaps she will make me happy for the first time in my life.

Lady Gaga

How can I help you?

Hamlet

You're very pretty, can I have your number?

RuPaul

(climbing out of air vent from ceiling and dropping to the floor)

Damn girl, you are more desperate than wine moms are for a glass of chardonnay!

(begins brewing coffee)

Peanut Gallery

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHA]

(The laughing by the gallery almost drowns out Gaga's next line.)

Lady Gaga

(Gaga shoots a dirty look to the Gallery, but quickly gets back to her award-winning acting.)

If this creep talks to me again I'm calling the cops.

RuPaul

Damn girl, you're thirstier than Gaga's hair!

(The camera zooms in on Gaga's wig. It is dry.)

Peanut Gallery

[HAHAHAHAHA]

Hamlet

Oh sorry if I offended you Gaga. I'll just have a venti iced coffee.

Lady Gaga

Whatever. I'm gonna go take my break.

(walks out humming Why Did You Do That)